So I Ran!

Lord, You are the source of Light-the Light of HOPE and HEALING, of truth and guidance; Light that darkness can never extinguish.

Powerful words; words that speak volumes to me right now. Words that spoke volumes to me 4 1/2 years ago as I faced the exact same fears I fear today. Fear of the unknown. Fear that the test could be positive, but HOPE that it would be/will be negative. Seeing these words today reminds me of how God guided me through a very dark period in my life and how he NEVER let my Light extinguish. 

This past Sunday, (yesterday), was scheduled to be our 12 mile long run of our half marathon training program. Our last long run before the race which is this coming Sunday. I was unable to run, due to the pain that was coming from my right ovary. The pain was increased due to the type of ultrasound they performed to see the status of the cyst that has made my ovary its home. Forgot to mention that one, this is an added bonus to the lump in my breast. Anyway, the long run was replaced with a casual walk in our neighborhood. After our walk Scott went into work, he is working on his thesis, and so no run meant more hours of writing time for him. The kids scattered off to the neighbors, because no long run meant longer play time with friends! So all that was left in the house was me...

What did no long run mean for me? The house was quiet, except for the joyful noise of birds singing outside my opened window. It was very peaceful. I sat on the edge of my bed and next thing I knew I was knelt on the side of my bed, with my hands folded.....praying. I think the last time I prayed like this was before I went to bed as a child. 

My prayer was a lot of rambling, in fact I am not even sure I can recall any of my words during that prayer. I said Amen, then it came to me. Amazing, how that happens!!! 

I remember that I am not the same person I was 4 1/2 years ago. I am much, much different. I took that positive test result and made it exactly that, positive. I made positive changes in my life. I was well over 200lbs and a size 16, when I was diagnosed. I didn't want to be that anymore. I am a control freak and since I had no control of my cancer, I focused on something I could control....my weight.

So we ran and ran and well, we ran some more. Scott by my side every mile. Running has been a lot of things for me. It has built my confidence, made me a healthier person, and given me time with the love of my life that is irreplaceable. I associate my running with cancer. My running gear usually has the color pink in it somewhere. I was very excited when my running shoes came in pink. Pink reminds me why I run, if I could beat cancer then I could run a half marathon. The races remind me of the struggles I faced and the finish line reminds me of how I beat cancer once. We signed up for our first half marathon, September 2007 and finished hand and hand. As we have continued to do for 4 half marathons and an entire full marathon training program. This weekend will be our 5th half marathon together and we will again finish hand and hand! 

Today, I do have the some of the same feelings that I did 4 1/2 years ago, but some our different. I am fearful that I don't have the fight in me like I did before. So, I view this upcoming race as a sign. A sign, that this race is just like cancer, that I will run hard and finish strong and if cancer is there, I will fight hard and beat it again. I know God will give me HOPE and help me HEAL, with guidance and truth and I know I will not ever let my light be extinguished by darkness. 

The Journey Began with 2......

As I sit and reflect on yesterday and read my post, I smile. I remember all the amazing and positive things that have happened this past year. Amazing stories that were brought into my life because I made some bags. Every bag has a story. Stories that have made me smile and frankly, after yesterday, I want to smile!

The bag journey began with 2. My mom is a nurse case manager at Minot Air Force Base. The past two years she has sat on a committee that organizes an auction to raise money for Susan G Komen. An organization that in the past we (Scott and I) have supported by running the local Race For A Cure runs, and supported fellow runners by donated money to their teams. Running is another passion of mine as is sewing. So when mom called and asked if I would sew a bag to be auctioned off at her event, my answer was of course.....YES!!!


Some side info.....I have been sewing since 2004. While stationed at Holloman Air Force Base, NM a good friend taught me some tips and tricks on how to sew a bag. I have made close to 100 (I think) since then. Never, until this October, had I made one out of a flight suit. I have studied other bag maker's designs while looking at the uniforms hanging in the closets for over a year. But, until mom called I never took the plunge. A good cause and a longing to make one of these bags was good enough for me to start cutting up flight suits.


I was only to make one, but with the generous donations from other Air Force spouses I was able to make 3, (the story of the 3rd bag will be another blog post another day)! I was a bit nervous as I placed the scissor near the flight suit. If I cut it wrong, just once, it could not be fixed. I said a prayer and started cutting. To my amazement it went incredibly smooth. I came up with the designs on my own, by piecing together and altering about 7 different patterns. I have a thing with patterns, I HATE them and want to make the bag my own design. Patterns get my wheels turning and my designs started. I of course couldn't make the same bag twice that would be too easy....so I didn't. I made each one a different design and used different fabric. What girl wants to walk into the commissary and see her bag carried by another spouse....not many! So, I make them all different!


I sent the two bags pictured above to Minot Air Force Base this past October. The total amount raised from the bags was $190. I felt so good. I got to do what I love and support an amazing cause. How can you not be addicted to that? I am!


My inbox has been full with people saying the kindest things and wanting me to design and make a bag for them ever since. I have never wanted to have a business selling bags and I am still not interested. I am however very interested in supporting causes and organizations that I love. So for every bag that someone orders, a charity has been brought to my attention and I have been able to support it with the sale of my bags. To this day, I have sent over $800 to different charities and they keep coming! It has been incredibly amazing. I can't wait to share every story with you. They get better then this one, but this story is as important as the others, because it started my bag making journey!!!


So, today as I Gracefully look up to God and ask him for strength and positive thoughts, I also Thank Him for giving me a gift and placing these incredible causes into my life. Let the bag making journey continue.....

My Lumps My Lovely Lady Lumps

As some of you may know, I am a survivor of Stage 0 Ductal Carcinoma. Four years ago, I was told the cancer test was positive, my life changed forever. This past October, exactly four years to the day, I was handed a pink ribbon and told YOU ARE A SURVIVOR. Although, I had kicked cancer's booty  without chemo or radiation I never really felt like a survivor.....I did that day!


Well, that excitement soon passed for me and fear set it. Last week I went to the Dr for a routine check-up, not cancer related,  just the normal how you doing kind of Dr. appointment. Because of my past, we did a full exam. Fine with me, I was all clear just a few months back. So let the procedure begin, examine away! As all of you know, I am a nervous talker and I get especially nervous in the Dr. office so I was being my extra chatty self. She was doing to examination laughing at my humor, chatting back, then it happened........she stopped laughing and chatting back.


A bump, a lump, a whatever you call it was found in my lovely lady lumps. I am nervous, scared, sad, angry and a positive fighter. I will fight like a girl and pray I don't have to fight cancer once again.  So today, I go in to get smashed and Gracefully look up for a negative test, a pink ribbon and the words telling me.....YOU ARE STILL A SURVIVOR!

Let The Stories Be Told!

So it begins.....my blog! I decided to start this for lots of reasons. I have amazing things happen to me on a daily basis that I want to share with others. From stories behind my bags, to the cool things my kiddos do. I have ups and downs, things I want people to celebrate with me and things that I want prayers for. Our crazy military life happenings, from moves to deployments.  My design ideas and thoughts for the next sewing creation. Great verses I have read and what they mean to me. This blog is going to be a potpourri of my life, my creations, and my opinions as I Gracefully look up!