Food Could Be the Reason....

Facing the fear that my cancer could be back has provided me with time to think. Time to think about the changes we have made to make my life and my families healthier. According to medical studies, I am not your typical breast cancer patient. Statistically speaking I was the last person to get this crap. I was in my twenties, breast feed and was breast feeing my baby, and no one in my family had breast cancer. Doctor's doubted that I had cancer for months. In fact, going into my surgery to remove my ducts, the Doctor told me that the surgery was elective. That they were preforming the procedure because I was unhappy with what was occurring. It wasn't until after the surgery that the Doctor admitted that I had cancer. I had Stage Zero Ductal Carcinoma. No radiation or chemo needed, my "elective procedure" took it away. My question after that was, "Why did I get cancer in the first place"? If I was doing everything right why did I get this crap. The Doctor was unable to provide any answers to that question. In fact to this day, I have yet to find a Doctor that can answer this question.

So Scott and I did some research on our own. We wanted to figure it out. Not only for me but for my kids. We also wanted to know what to do to keep cancer away. We read, and we are still reading...

What we have found so far is, diet. Food and things contained in food cause cancer. Looking at my lifestyle this made perfect sense to us. So we made changes lots of changes....

Anything with artificial sweeteners; Phenylalanine and Aspartame are out...

We will not ever drink diet anything. We read every label looking for the above ingredients. Let me tell you, it is hard to find a breath saver that does not contain aspartame. So far all we can find is Altoids. So that is all we buy. In fact this ingredient is in almost everything. It is pure poison. I have not read one thing that would make me think differently. It not only causes cancer, but is the reason for a lot of other medical issues. Heart problems and joint pain, just to name a few. So it is out and will never come into my home!

We have for the most part become vegetarians. At one point we had become Vegan. This has been hard with three vegetable hating kids in the house! We struggle to find recipes that everyone will enjoy. So shrimp, fish and on a rare occasion we will eat turkey burger or chicken. Red meat is out. Things with lots of animal protein are limited to a small amount or not at all. We continue to read and research and believe most of the studies. There are always a few that are a bit crazy, but I do believe diet has a lot to do with why there is an increase in cancers of all types. 

In fact there was a segment on the Today show yesterday about this idea. Sheryl Crow is a breast cancer survivor and she believes the same thing as Scott and I do, that what you eat could cause cancer.  I love that she got on the show and said just that. She is using her celebrity power to spread the word, to help us make changes. I am just Tara, and can't do that! So I appreciate people like her. She made my life easier by publishing a cookbook. 

Preordered this bad boy yesterday. It hits the shelves today. The recipes are separated out by season, which is so awesome. That means fresh and cheap veggies! Each recipe includes a vegan or vegetarian option. To top it all off, each recipe contains cancer fighting foods. How awesome is that!!! I can't wait for it to come in the mail. I promise to post pictures and reviews of what we try! I am hoping this becomes our new Betty Crocker cookbook!!! 

Books like this help me. They help me believe that I am not crazy. That our beliefs are true. Other people believe it. I feel if I can convince others of our beliefs, maybe one less person will have cancer. Wouldn't that be amazing!!! 

Saved By Grace...

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, 

the new creation has come:

The old has gone,

THE NEW IS HERE

2 Corinthians 5:17

Over the last few days, I have received many comments. A couple of them have weighed heavy on my heart. The comments were large indications that some people don't know me. They know the person that I was, and not the person I am. Over time I have changed, I have changed a lot.

I have realized that I am completely different than I was 5 years ago. I have a lot of things that define me as a person or at least things that would provide people with labels to describe me. I have heard people describe me as a mom, a military wife, a sewer, and a runner. I am all of those, but there was a huge change in my life that changed the way I do all of the above things, I am a Christ Follower. 

I think this label is hard for some people to see me as. People that knew me before and read my blog now are probably shocked at my writings. My quoting of scripture and my talk of faith is not how I wrote before. Comments have made me wonder if people think I am posting these things, because I am going though a time that requires strong faith. This life situation does require strong faith. My faith is strong through all situations. It strengthens with each hardship, but it is and will forever be there. 

My life is now defined by my faith. I do not live a perfect life. I fall short more times than I dare to count. I make mistakes and have made huge mistakes. But, five years ago I was freed from all of those mistakes. I put my trust and faith in God and His Amazing Grace saved me. I WAS SAVED BY GRACE!!!!

It is one of the most amazing things that has ever happened to me. The feeling of Christ filling your heart is unbelievable. It is a feeling I longed for. When that feeling came over me, I felt free and still do. 

I believe that prayer works in all things. I believe my life is planned out. What is before me is already determined, my steps are not my own. That gives me great peace. When I say things like, "God has placed me exactly where I need to be", I believe that. It is not just something I type. 

Being a Christ Follower, for me does not mean that I have changed all things about me. I love Christian music now, but also LOVE Pink. Drinking wine is still something I enjoy. My swearing is something I wish I could stop and I pray about it often, but my mouth is still yucky. I still have the sense of humor that I have always had. I am still a mother, a runner, a military wife and a sewer....

I am still Tara, I just live a lot differently. 

Hope, Peace, Joy!!!!

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him,

so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

I am sure I have posted this verse before today. In fact I am positive of it. I have hope and now I have peace and with that peace I have joy. Boy oh boy do I have joy!!!! (I am a poet and I don't even know it!)

Today was a big day. I had my appointment that I hoped would provide me with some answers, some relief. I was terrified, because I had been here before and the outcome wasn't good. So I feared the worst. That is what comes with being a survivor, little bumps could mean bad things.  4 years ago, I became a survivor. When you have survived something like cancer, for me, I felt powerful and strong. When you are told the words you are a survivor, you want to scream it out loud so the whole world can celebrate with you. There are downfalls to being a breast cancer survivor, it means you had it once and we will have to keep checking to see if it comes back. When you go into a doctor's office and they see a cyst or feel a lump, or in my case both, you become very frightened. You have had all of that before and it was cancer. Any growth scares the living poo right out of you. Being a survivor means you were a fighter and you don't ever want to fight again.

I was fearful of the worse case scenario that I had a lump in my breast that is cancer and it had spread to my ovary. I feared my battle would be the a long hard battle. I had thoughts of not seeing my kids grow up. Fears that I would not grow old. Fear that my husband would have to take some crazy job so I could get to a treatment facility that would make me better. I feared the worst. I tried so hard to stay positive, hoped for the best, but I was scared. I am pretty sure I have never been this scared in my whole life. Even four years ago, I wasn't this afraid. 

I have turned to the Bible more times in the last month then I have in a very long time. Verses like this kept me hopeful and strong. My faith is very strong and today I know why. The Gyn said my 7cm cyst is gone!!!!! Yep, you read that right, that sucker is G-O-N-E......GONE!!! He believes the speed of my half marathon is what started the rupture! So I did set a personal record! I mean really, how many people can say they ruptured a cyst during a race. Pretty sure the pros don't even have that! Sponsors should be calling any time now!!! Yep, I ran so fast I ruptured a cyst....I am thinking that gives me rockstar status and a new PR!!!

As you can tell my humor is back. The feeling that I have right now is AWESOME! If I still didn't hurt so much, I am pretty sure I would be doing back flips! Love feeling this happy again and I only have half the results. Still waiting on the mammo. I have higher hopes as far as the results go with that. Knowing  I don't have ovarian cancer leads me to believe that I don't have breast cancer either. If I do, at least that is all I have. It hasn't made its way to my ovary.

So no cyst means no surgery. I do still have pain, but I believe that will be gone very soon. My ovary is sensitive since it had such a large cyst on it. So it will remain tender for a bit. I believe the relief I have mentally will also take that pain away. Knowing that I don't have 7 cm of fun attached to my ovary makes me less stressed out. The doctor only wants to see me back if the pain doesn't go away. So I am free!!! Free of the cyst, free of pain (hopefully soon) and free of fear!

Trusting in God gave me the hope and peace to get through this half and will be there to get me through the second half. I am overflowing with joy, hope and am overwhelmed by the power of the Holy Spirit. My God is an AWESOME God. He has seen me through it all and will continue to do so. I am so thankful for my trust in HIM!!!!

One result down, one to go and then we will P-A-R-T-Y!!!! I am beyond thrilled right now and am holding on to this feeling for as long as I am able!


Gracefully, I look up to you Amazing God, you are the God of hope and peace. You have given me a joy that is overwhelming. I am speechless.....

One Thing at a Time!

So, things are starting to move forward. An appointment has been made and tomorrow, I may have some answers. I know I will not have all of them. I am totally content with that. God only gives you what you can handle. Looking back on the last couple of weeks, I know this to be true!

I think I knew that all along, but it is good to be reminded every now and again. We have a lot going on, as you know. Two weeks ago, my appointment got cancelled the same day we received notice that we are heading to California. Although the cancellation upset me, I now see why it happened! Finding out you are moving across the county is kind of a big deal. Lots of obsessing planning and preparation has to happen. Scott, Jessie, and I have googled just about everything that has to do with Central Coast CA. Yesterday, Scott and I narrowed down our options and became content with our choices of schools, gyms and commute time. Today Scott received his RIP ( his unofficial orders) with his report date. We had a million questions about his job and, today he received answers. Today, I feel like we have most of the answers and are ready to head West. It is a good feeling, to feel like you have a good hold of something.

Although, finding peace in one area doesn't mean you have peace in all areas. There is still that whole lump and cyst thing. It has been nice to obsess about something else for a while. As we grew more content with our future and felt a little more relaxed about our move, we got a reminder. The reminder being, I still don't have answers. A phone call with an appointment date was a perfect reminder. Tomorrow, after a two week break I will head in the see the Gyn, hoping for a plan. Tomorrow we will discuss the plan for my cyst on my ovary. I am hoping it goes just like our move plans, and I come out with a sense of peace with the way ahead.

The mammogram result should be here in about 2 weeks. By then I am hoping that I will have resolved my other health issue and will be able to focus on whatever those results are.

See, God only gives you what you can handle. Appointment cancelled, because I could not handle  figuring out California and deciding on surgery or not. Appointment made before mammo results because I am not sure I can handle both issues at one time. So, I am perfectly content with the plan so far. I am not angry that everything is going the way it has been going. God is in all control and I appreciate the way He is handling this, one thing at a time. So to date I have only had 100 a couple meltdowns. I appreciate being able to focus on something else for a minute. The pain has become a lot more then I would like to handle on any given day, so my appointment came at the perfect time. We are going to figure out what it will take to get rid of this pain and give me my life back. After that is done we will face whatever it is that the mammogram says and it will certainly be only what I can handle!

I have enjoyed the last week and a half focusing on other important things in life. I had an amazing week with my kiddos enjoying lots of time with our favorite neighbors. The last 2 days, I have spent with Scott getting refocused on life and making a plan for our future. Life has been good! The break from it all was great. I will go in tomorrow with clear mind ready for whatever the next step is!



Gracefully I look up, thankful for one thing at a time.

Short ones cry too......

Spring has sprung and it is absolutely beautiful out. I just got back from a great walk with Scott. We have been slacking a bit the last couple of weeks. Thesis time was important, kids were off from school, and I have been in a bit of pain. So walking with him this morning was important to me. I cherish our time together. We have had a lot going on and haven't really had a lot of time to talk about it. Although, I think we would rather not talk about it. Sometimes things go away for a minute, if you let them. 

This morning before that wonderful walk, I was reminded of how easily we forget what is going on. How overwhelming life can be at times. You can put on a happy face on the outside but inside you might not be so happy. You might be scared, overwhelmed, and just sad. Little kids have a funny way of showing emotion. My littlest is very emotional. She loves with her whole heart. Her goal is to make everyone happy all the time, to be the BEST at everything. She puts a lot of pressure on herself. Getting a B is not an option for her!  She is a lot like her daddy and I love that about her. It is hard at times, if anything goes wrong she will carry the burden. Heart brake reaches a whole new level with this little one. 

So this morning as Scott and I were getting the little ones ready for school, Scott asked for the spray bottle to fix Jameson's hair. Well, last week the spray bottle broke. Jillian was using it to fix her doll's hair and it broke. It was a cheap thing and was going to brake at any moment. It just happen to brake while Jillian was using it. So when Scott ask for it and I responded with, "it broke", tears filled her eyes. We wiped the tears told her it wasn't her fault and tried to make her smile again. It worked for a minute, then tears came back. It was a bit frustrating because she was crying over a stupid spray bottle, not a big deal. So I got eye level with her and asked what was bothering her. Explained that the spray bottle is not a big deal, and we are not mad. She replied with, "I know, I am just sad I am going to miss so much school". She is scared that she will fall behind. Scared that she will miss something. Afraid it is her fault that she missed school on Friday because of head lice. She believes it is her fault she got them. Like I said she carries the burden of everything. It was heart braking. Scott and I both hugged her and gave her love and words of encouragement. She left the house with a smile on her face.

After she left I started thinking. Thinking about what set her off. She is tired from a fun weekend, maybe that fueled the emotion. Then I really thought about it, this poor thing has a lot going on right now. She has a state gymnastics meet on Friday, a meet that she is afraid of because, she is certain she won't take first place. No matter what anybody tells her, she still places a lot pressure on herself. Afraid she is missing too much school and won't get straight A's, she is not even close to getting a B. If she missed 30 days of school this child would still have all A's. Afraid she is hurting people because she is moving. So many people have said to her, that they don't want her to leave. They have given her pictures of them crying with words that say, "I will miss you" and "Please don't move". This brakes her heart. She doesn't want sad around her, she wants happy. Now, because she is moving people are crying. She believes this is her fault. She is scared, just like me. Afraid her mommy is sick, I don't want her to be afraid. I want all the fear to be placed inside of me, but the truth is we all are scared. She wants to fix everything and knowing she can't, made her cry this morning. 

Her smile was placed on her face on the outside but inside she was crying. I pray that today she got her tears out, lifted the burden off her heart and is smiling right now. I love how much my Jillian Hart loves. I love her drive and determination. She amazes me, all three of my children amaze me. Her tears this morning served as a reminder, that even short ones are going through a lot. I just need to get to their level and talk about things with them. I know she is not the only one dealing with all of these things right now. If she fixed anything this morning, it was that I now know I need to sit and talk with Jameson and Jessie. I don't want them to carry any worry on their hearts. I want them to keep being the strong, happy kids they are. Let dad and I worry for you, let God fix all things and just smile! 

So this morning, I gracefully look up to God and ask him to take her sadness away. Let Jillian know that she is not the cause of heart brake. That it is all in your control. You will make everything right and take on our fears. Please turn her tears into a smile.......

Moving Again?????

To be a part of the military, I find you have to be.....

Adventurous

Strong

Daring

Patient

Independent

And most of all.....TOUGH SKINNED!

This life is amazing to me! I love every minute of it. I love where we have been and the adventures we have been able to have. This military life has allowed us to move to places that I am sure, without orders, I would have never even visited! Our family is coming up on move #5! 

Move #1: Minot AFB, North Dakota (my home state) to Holloman AFB, New Mexico

Move #2: Holloman AFB, New Mexico to Mountain Home AFB, Idaho

Move #3: Mountain Home AFB, Idaho to Nellis AFB, Nevada (Viva Las Vegas, Baby!!)

Move #4 Nellis AFB, Nevada to Maxwell AFB, Alabama

and now to Move #5: Sweet Home Alabama to Vandenberg AFB, California

It would take hours to list the amazing things that have occurred at each base. From babies being born, to deployments, places we got to see, amazing friendships made, the list could go on and on! With each move comes a list of questions and statements from people that are not in the military, people that quite frankly don't get this life!

Your moving again????

Yuck, I would never raise my child there?

Do your kids like moving?

How can you move them so much?

We want stability for our children, don't want them messed up....

Lots of military kids have a hard time with reality (life outside of the military), does that bother you?

Everybody has an opinion on how bad our previous location was and how much better there state will be for us!!!

The list goes on, and this my friends, is why you develop tough skin. People say the darndest things. Their statements to them are true, and what we are doing is terrible. God forbid, we answer back with what we really think. Believe me, at times I have a lot of words for many people. On a positive note, I understand their line of questions. I know that they are curious. Military life brings on a lot of questions and after 11 years of it, I still don't have all the answers. I can answer some of the above questions though, maybe give you a better understanding of our crazy life and why we love it!

We will move again, and again, and more than likely several more times. Our assignments will get shorter and more frequent. We expect to move every 1 to 2 years. 3 years at one location would be a long time. Do we like everywhere we have moved, YES! We have loved it. Our children have swam in every ocean that borders our country. They have seen amazing sights, such as the Grand Canyon of Arizona and the historical sights of South Carolina. They have been to both Disneyland and Disney World. They have flown on a Air Force Cargo plane to Hawaii and have eaten the amazing cuisines of many cultures. Each state has offered something unique. The cultures of each vary drastically. From the way they talk to the food they eat, my children have seen it all!!! To me, they are getting experiences that are incomparable to most, they are becoming well rounded amazing individuals because of this life. 

They have courage and strength that I could not have come close to having as a youth. Jessie's first day of junior high and high school both have been and will be at new schools. I remember being nervous, because I was going to the big schools, that alone gives one butterflies! This strong girl will go to the big school, being the new kid, in a new state. Our school shopping usually takes place after the first week of school in a new state because kids dress differently everywhere. We have bought too many of the "wrong things" and wasted a few dollars to know that this is the best way to shop! Jillian and Jameson will be the new kids as well. They have each other to lean on. Best friends is an understatement! If one has a fear, the other makes it go away. 

 Do they love to move.....YEP! A new excitement comes with every assignment and they can't wait to get there.  As parents we do our best to keep them excited.  We buy them new bedroom stuff with every move, and try to visit some place exciting on our way. The trip we have planned for this move is Key West, Florida! We know that moving is challenging, but I can't imagine staying in one place for too long. If we didn't move to the places we have moved to, we wouldn't have as many amazing friends that we are blessed to have. I wouldn't have had experiences like taking my dad to the Pacific for the first time. This is a crazy life and we love every move of it! 

So Yes, we are moving again. Yes, I will raise my children in places like Vegas, and California. No, I am not afraid that they will become gang bangers! Yes, they love to move and I pack up their bags and put them in the car, that is how I move them. No, I don't think they will be messed up, if they are, it is not because they are military brats, it is because they have me for a mom! Stability, will I am certain that even if you never move, every life has some instability about it, one must overcome and make it stable! Last but not least, I agree your home state is the best and you will never find me saying anything but that! Every state has been the best because God placed us there and I am with the best 5 people on earth!!!

                 

Pink Flamingos, American Girls, and Two Smiling Faces!

In December, I received an e-mail from Jillian's best friend's mom, Teresa. The e-mail would start a countdown to the best weekend ever for Jillian. This awesome family decided to celebrate their daughter Riley's birthday, with a trip to the American Girl Doll Store in Atlanta with her best friend, Jillian!!! 

So everything had to be perfect for this perfect weekend....

What is more perfect than matching outfits!!

The flamingo outfit would the outfit they will wear to the store! They both LOVE flamingos! The last birthday celebration together was Jillian's. They built matching flamingos at Build-a-Bear, which now go on every trip they have together! So flamingo outfits will be perfect!!!

Then to plan what to pack. This process was well planned out by Jillian. She fixed her doll's hair just right, put on the perfect outfit and made sure her flamingo and American girl Catalog were also in the bag. Toothbrush, clean clothes....who cares about that stuff??!! The important stuff was packed!!!

Sleeping last night....pretty sure she was too excited to sleep! She woke up, got ready and headed out the door before they had the chance to pull up into the driveway!!!

Good thing they were early! Not sure what this high level of excitement would bring next!

They ARRIVED!!!!

And off she went.....

I wish I was with her to see her face when she gets to this awesome store. I can picture her face, eyes lit up and a big grin that I am sure will not leave her face until Monday morning! She will jump up and down, giggle continuously and she will say everything is AWESOME, cause that is how Jillian rolls!!

Tonight they get to have dinner at the American Girl Bistro, then go the the hotel that is set up with pink linens, and beds special for their dolls. At bedtime they get chocolate chip cookies and milk brought to the room. In the morning there is a special breakfast complete with pink tablecloths and a special seat for your doll. I am so excited for her and a bit jealous. 

I hope she has the best trip ever with the best people ever! This memory will last a lifetime! Thanks Calhouns, you guys rock!

Fun Idea for St Patty's Day!

Here is a fun idea for St Patty's Day!

Go to Bakerella and check out her cool ideas and the recipe 

to make these wonderful treats!

I then went to Hobby Lobby got some cute green tins, 

flower foam and green paper filler.

Added some cute St Patty's Day Ribbon, Cello wrap, and

Voila!!! Fun treats to bring luck to someone special!!!

This year I might make......

I found this cute idea on one of my favorite craft blogs,

Eighteen25 and they found the idea on another cute blog,

by Beth!

Hope you all have a wonderful St. Patrick's day full of luck and Irish Blessings!

Lucky Day To All!!!

May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light,
May good luck pursue you each morning and night.
~Irish Blessing

Happy St. Patrick's Day! It has been a week full of good luck for the Brodeur Family! 

Lucky things for all....

Jessie: After a year of maturing, she was given her Facebook account back! 

Jameson: Fulfilling his promise of being good and doing all his choirs without asking or at least trying to do so, he finally received his ripstick!

Jillian: She has been has been trying to master a skill in gymnastics for months and, was so close. This week she finally got her stride circle on the bars, with and without grips on!!!

Scott: Although, not feeling so lucky, he is making huge progress on his thesis and today will wrap up chapter 2!!! 

I am so happy for all of my family's good luck! They are all my good luck charms. Each of them have a gift that brings such joy to my life. I am one lucky mom and wife!!!

I too had some good luck this week. No, I didn't get the negative news I have been praying for. Not yet, anyway....I am sure it is coming! The luck I received came in the form of a letter and a phone call. I finally received my referral from Tricare (military health insurance) to go to my first specialist. Yes, I can finally keep an appointment that I keep making and canceling because of no referral. I am finally able to see a Dr. and start to make some solid plans. 

The phone call was from a Dr on base. She is getting ready to go on maternity leave, so she is training the Dr I have been seeing. This week the Dr going on maternity leave went over the patient's records that the Dr in training has been seeing. I was one of those patients. My mammogram report came back inconclusive as you may already know. What does that mean? It means more tests, and they also want to compare these films to my other mammo films. This could take up to 30 days. So the Dr called me to find out where I had the other mammo done so we can get the films sent to Alabama ASAP. While talking to her she realized that the ball had been dropped big time. My chart was a mess. Referrals weren't getting put in, and tests that were ordered may not be the right tests. Why, is this luck for me? Well, this means I finally have a Dr that is catching everything. She is ordering the right tests and setting up the right referrals. So I am finally going to get the answers we have all been eagerly waiting for!!!! 

So, if you have been wondering why I haven't posted any updates, this is why. I have none. Looks like things are finally getting done and I should know something soon. So I am feeling lucky!!!

Gracefully, I look up on this St Patrick's day and ask God to keep me strong, keep my family strong and keep good luck coming our way! 

Things Seem a Little Brighter When it is Gloomy!

It rains in 'Bama, sometimes it rains a lot. The sky is gloomy and ground is wet and soggy. Sounds yucky, doesn't it? The other day I noticed something about these gloomy wet days, with all the gloom around bright colors seem a lot brighter. The colors of the cardinals on my brown fence seem a lot more red. The petals of the yellow daffodils are so bright they look like they are glowing. Nature has some of the most beautiful art. Spring brings a whole new color palette, so bright and full of life. Such an awesome change after dull winter colors. Life is a lot like this. Just a little bit of color during a gloomy period seems so bright.

Bits of color that have made me smile this week....

The smile on my kids' faces when they were each given an unexpected surprise!

A phone call from my friend, Amy! We talked for 3 hours....obviously we need to talk more often!

Excitement in Scott's voice yesterday as he told me how productive of a day he had!

An invite to have lunch with a good friend. 

Putting the final stitches on another bag!

See just the little things shine so bright when life is a bit gloomy.....

Yesterday, I received some sad news about my best friend's mom. Ashley has been my best friend since the 7th grade. So growing up, I was very close to her family. I hung out at her house all the time. Her mom, Jayne was crazy, good crazy. That woman has the cleanest house you have ever seen. We use to test her by moving something just a quarter of an inch and within seconds she would move it back. Everything was perfect. She always looks so pretty, hair done perfectly, clothes always the latest style. She expected nothing less then perfect from her kids and their friends. I love that about her, because she cares about all of us. Walking into the house, you couldn't walk past Jayne without answering one of her questions. She became known as Inspector Jayne to us! We still laugh about that, but she still lives up to her name! You could and will never get anything past Inspector Jayne, although we never stopped trying! 

I opened facebook yesterday to see a status update from Ash, tears filled my eyes. Jayne has cancer, she has breast cancer and has been battling it for 4 years. How did I not know this? Why haven't I been keeping in touch with my best friend? What kind of friend have I been? That family has done so much for me and I didn't even know Jayne was sick. I hate it, I hate that she is fighting the fight, that she has this stupid, worthless, no good crap. So after reading this status, all I could do is pick up the phone and call Ash. I didn't even know what to say. I didn't know what Ashley would say back. I should've been calling this whole time. 

Well, it only took 2 seconds before we were laughing like old times. Making Jayne jokes, and cracking up! I hope I brought some brightness into Ashley's gloomy time. This family has a strength that is beyond amazing. They will all come together and fight this crap, they will again beat it. Ash and I decided that only crazy B-words get breast cancer, because only crazy women can show it who is boss. I like that theory! I loved laughing with Ashley again, I miss her so much. She brought a piece of happy into my gloom! Best friends have a way of doing that. No matter how long it has been since you last spoke, you can always pick up right where you left off. I love that!!!

As long as I am able I will continue to laugh with Ashley and love her like a sister. Like I said this family is amazing. Jayne is crazy amazing and I can't wait to get questioned by her again soon! She is a strong, stubborn woman and if anyone can beat cancer she can. Lord knows she isn't going down without a fight. A true inspiration. A bit of color during a gloomy time! 

Because the Bible told me so.....

"For I know the plans I have for you",
 declares the Lord, 

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 

plans to give you hope and a future"

Jeremiah 29:11

Many verses have been placed before me the last few weeks. I have written down and read and reread all of them many times. Today, this verse came to me and I am pretty sure this is the verse that will define this chapter of my life. I am holding on to every word of this and am putting all my trust in it.

Plans to prosper me and not to harm me and plans to give me a hope and a future. I know it sounds crazy, but I view this as a sign. A sign that things are going to turn out great. I have reread the words of this verse a 100 times today. I have reread words of my blog. Posts where I talk about my future. God has promised me that. 

No matter the outcome I am going to have a future. This is not going to be the end of me. Whatever the outcome, I will not be harmed. I will be OK. This gives me such joy. I know it is just a verse, I know that it is just words. To me they are words that speak the truth, words that give me hope and happiness. All I want out of this, is hope for a future and to not suffer. To not bring sadness to my family. To be there when my girls get married and my son graduates from the Citadel. All I want is to be a part of their future. To see what is in store for them and celebrate it when it happens. I don't want to be sick anymore. I want to not be harmed. I want to prosper, finish my college degree. Become a teacher, live on the beach with Scott. Watch his continued success and move 100 more times with him and our awesome kids. I want a future, I want to prosper, and I don't want to be put in harms way, this verse and God have made that promise to me. 

I go in on Wednesday to discuss the plan for my ovary. I know that the plan is already made and I am putting my trust in that plan. I am ready to face anything. I just want to know something and move on. If I have cancer, fine. Let the fight began. It will not harm me, nor will it be the end of me. I have too much ahead of me, I have a future. I know that this is just one step of many I will face. Now, I feel ready to face all the steps, no matter how long it takes. The outcome is, what the outcome is. Faith will pull me through all of it. Giving up is not an option. 

From today forward, I will live my life. Make my appointments, get all the tests done and fight if that is what needs to be done. If all is clear I will party like a rock star. Either way, I know it is going to be fine, because the Bible told me so!!!!

Gracefully, I look up to you God. I trust your words and your promise to me. I am thankful that You made this promise to me and placed this verse into my life. Thankful, that you have given me hope once again!

And Your New Home Will Be.......

It is that time of year. That time of year that comes every 1-4 years for many military families. The time of the year when we find where the Air Force will send us.

This process is a long drawn out process for many. We start to talk about it a year prior to our actual move date. We all know the future holds a move and sometimes we know where that location will be. Other times we don't. This move for example was narrowed down to 2 separate locations on 2 different coasts.


Would it be.....

or......













We found excitement in both locations. Studying both became an obsession for all of us. We found great gyms for Jillian, awesome sports for Jameson, and very cool High Schools for Jessie. In DC she could go to one of the top 10 high schools in the nation, In CA she could go to school where people like Zac Efron and an actor from Glee are alum. In DC Jameson could play Lacrosse, soccer, football, the sky is the limit as far as field sports go. In CA, he can learn to surf, still play football, and perfect his ripstick skills. For Jillian, the gyms in DC are amazing. National team training centers, every type of training you could imagine and the amount to choose from was insane. California has amazing gyms as well, some near the beach, coaches of all variety, and meets that will allow us to travel the whole state of California.

Pros and cons were laid out for both. Commute time, big city vs small beach towns, best schools vs good schools, great weather vs snowy weather the list could go on and on. Both had amazing sight seeing adventures and great trips in store for all of us.

Deciding on which one we loved more, was very difficult. I had a love/hate relationship with both, I wanted the Air Force to hurry up and make a decision. Let us know where we are going so we can make some solid plans. Until one day, after reading the Book of James, a verse popped out at me. A Bible verse that made it clear to me it was not up to the Air Force or me.  The verse was this......

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this city or that city, spend a year there and carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead , you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that"

The last line said it all, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that".  Love that feeling, the feeling you get when you realize once again the Lord is in control of everything. It is not up to the Air Force or me, the decision has been made. We just need to follow the path on His journey. I prayed daily about our assignment after reading this verse. A little side note confession, this is the first time I have prayed about any upcoming assignment. I know, not good, but I also know that God has placed our family in locations for a reason. So putting all trust in him was not difficult this time around. I can look back at every assignment and tell you why he placed us there. My trust in Him, when it comes to our moves is very high. So, like I said I prayed that God would place us in the perfect location and that all things would work out according to His plan. 

On Friday His location was given to us and that location is.....

Central Coast California will become our home in July.  Scott will be stationed at Vandenberg Air Force Base. Towns near the base are San Louis Obispo and Santa Barbara to give you an idea of the base's location.  We are loving being able to focus our research on one location. The excitement in the Brodeur House is very high. I am also very excited about our upcoming adventure and love that I now have another distraction from my health. How can you not smile when you have thoughts of wine tasting and beach town living going through your head! Yep, folks we will live in wine country near the beach! Start planning your vacations as we plan our move!!!! It is going to be awesome!

Gracefully, I look up to God and thank him for doing all the work for me! For picking an amazing place that will bring awesome adventures and great experiences for our family. I trust that California is the best place for us because You placed us there. I can't wait to see your plan unfold for our family! 

Put a fork in me.....

Today was just one of those days! Brighter days ahead, I am certain of it!!!

Here is my day in a nutshell....

 Thought I had my Dr appointment this morning, but due to unexpected house guests that was cancelled. Jillian came to me itching her head telling me how she can't stop itching. I suspected the worst and I was right....HEAD LICE!

Appointment cancelled and the war against the head lice began. Let's just say if they are hiring an exterminator in California I am the one they should hire....

Why California, you ask??  Because CA is the next state we will call home! Feelings on our move requires another blog at another time. I can say that I am trusting in God's plan for our family! That is where He wants us to go, so I will go with a smile on my face.

Could there be more crazy???  YES!!!  I also got a letter in the mail letting me know that the doctors need to compare all of my ultrasound films (present and past). What does that mean and why do they need to do this you may ask?   I too asked those same questions. Called the Dr and she said that they did see something on the film and want to compare my other films to see if it is something that has always been there. So add on another 30 days and I should know if it is cancer or not. Woot Woot!!!

I am trying my hardest to stay positive and trust God with His amazing plan for me. Just when you think you have been given all you can handle, we have been given a little bit more. I am finding peace in the fact that I know that God only gives us what we can handle. I am guessing that He thinks I am a pretty strong cookie...pretty much a full up rock star in his eyes, because I am not sure I can be given anymore!

Lots of questions! Still no answers, but staying strong and holding on to my faith one day at a time! Lice, California, bumps, lumps, pain.....Bring it!

Gracefully, I look up to you Lord and know that your plan has a purpose. I trust your plan and I am grateful that you gave me the gift of strength because if I were weak I would have quit a long time ago!!!

Feeling Selfish.....

I am starting to feel like me again. Fear and worry has left me temporarily. I am for the most part enjoying this. I am back to sewing my bags, cleaning the house, and having normal everyday thoughts go through my mind. I have also felt a bit of guilt come over me. Guilt because I am feeling a bit selfish. This is definitely not a feeling I enjoy. Selfishness, is a trait that I absolutely despise. I try to be everything but selfish. I try to be a giving person, I try to make an effort to let people know that I am here for them, that I care about them. I can't help but feel that I am not being that person lately. That I have become a self loathing person. I look back at our run for instance and wonder if I encouraged Scott the way he encouraged me.  Have I shown him and my awesome kids the love they have shown me in the last few weeks. Have I given back the love my friends have given me and continue to give me. Man, I hope so.

Today, the feeling of selfishness is  very strong. I had scheduled my first round of appointments yesterday. Fear and worry seemed to be placed back into my mind, because tomorrow I will have to face the issues again. I guess it is easier to let things go when you don't have an appointment to face your fears. So, to help ease my worry I opened up my Facebook account to read the many messages and wall post I have received. I am sure they will all stay in my account as long as Facebook will let me keep them there. The words that people have taken the time to write me, have lifted me up and continue to do so. In reading all of these I found myself reading my responses or lack of responses and that is when it hit me like a Mack Truck.....I feel selfish. 

People have taken the time to write me these amazing things and I feel as though I haven't responded in a way that let's them know I care. Everyone has taken the time to sit down and write inspiring things, taken the time to look up amazing verses, taken the time to share amazing songs, all things that  have lifted me up. I pray that I have let them know how much it means to me, but part of me feels like I could do better. 

One post in particular stood out to me. In fact this post is one of them that brought this initial feeling of selfishness on. It was from a great friend that is also going through some medical yuckiness now. Here is what she wrote.....

I was amazed when I read your blog how similar our emotions are running right now and even how similarly the Lord is ministering to us! Don't get me wrong, my issue is much smaller, but I had let it consume me nonetheless. It's so encouraging to know He has it all in His hands!

See the line that says my issue is much smaller.....that is the Mack Truck that hit me head on!! I hate that she feels her issues are smaller, I hate that maybe I have made her feel like my issues are bigger and should come first in everybody's mind. I found myself feeling so sad, because I am not sure that before now I have asked her how she is doing. That made me sick to my stomach. I care so much for this person. Although, we haven't had a lot of time together, she has made a big impact on my life through her blog and postings on Facebook. Here I sat, not showing her care or concern. How selfish of me?

So I typed a response, to let her know that I cared for her as much as she cared for me. I wanted her to know that I her issues are not smaller then mine. So, I typed. As I typed I realized my fingers where being guided by someone else....I have NEVER experienced this before at least not to this level. Here is what was typed....

It is pretty amazing isn't it. Your issues are not smaller than mine I hope you know that. Never down size what you are faced with. Every problem we face is too big for us to handle on our own....thankful for a God we can give it to. Please fill me in on when your surgery is, and please let me know what we can do to help you out! Thanks for being a friend!

When Reread that post today, I felt that I needed to share it with everyone. I hope that everyone knows that I am beyond thankful for your love, prayers and amazing words. I believe that every problem is way to big for us to handle on our own and am beyond thankful for a God to give our problems to. I promise to respond to all of you with the love and kindness that you showed me. As I continue this journey tomorrow I know that you will all still be here with me, so I want you to know that whatever you are going through right now I am here for you. I love all of you so much. 

To my wonderful husband, 

I am so proud of you. You are beyond amazing to me. Thanks for carrying me to the finish line on Sunday. If it wasn't for you I would have quit. I would have quit the fight a long time ago. I know you could have finished that race so much faster and stronger if you didn't have me weighing you down. Your hard work the past couple of weeks is inspiring. Your thesis is going to be the best ever and I can't wait to read your finished product. I have heard your plan with this product for the past 3 years and am looking forward to your final draft. I pray that you will continue to share every word of it with me. I love you so much and am nothing without you. I pray that you know that....

To my awesome kids,

I am sorry I haven't been the mom I should be to you lately. You guys deserve all of me and I haven't given it to you. I am so proud of all of you. You have all become amazing, smart and beautiful human beings. You are the kids people dream of having. Jillian, I am beyond proud of your skills in the gym. I know you will get that stride circle soon and will do it with perfection! Jameson, your skills on the Ripstick amaze me, I have noticed your efforts in trying to be better at home, good job buddy! Jess, your willingness to do anything for me brings a smile to my face every time. Your grades in school are beyond impressive. Thank you for all of your help and hard work and for making me laugh with your awesome sense of humor!  I love you all more then you will ever know.

To my friends,

Thank you for everything. I know I have said it before a couple of times, but I want to say it again. Your words and love means so much to me. I am thankful for each and everyone of you and the unique things you all bring into my life. Thank you for your support during this time. I can't wait for the day to share good news with all of you!!!

March Storms Bring Me to Create Flowers!

We have lived in 5 different states in the past 11 years. All of them have had a something that was unique and beautiful about them. Alabama our 5th state and the one we will call home for the next 4 months, has the most beautiful spring blossoms of any state we have lived in. Alabama also has the most severe spring thunderstorms of any state we have lived in. 

Today we experienced one of these amazing storms. Tornado Warnings, loud thunder, and amazing lightening bolts that lasted for about 3 straight hours. So enjoying the spring blooms was not going to happen today. Stuck inside, I decided today would be a perfect day to try making a flower out of a zipper. I had seen this tutorial on Craftaholics Anonymous, a blog that I love. She has the greatest flower tutorials. My girls, both love these flowers on headbands and I love adding them to my bags. I thought the zipper one would be a great addition to one of my flight suit bags, since I always have left over zipper that can't be used and is always tossed into the trash! 

So here is my creation....

I started with the zipper.

Made another flower out of some scrap fabric from the bag that I am currently making.

Glued the two together, added a rhinestone and 

Ta Da....zipper flower.

I was on a roll.....So I decided to make a zipper charm to match.

Now to finish the bag these cute accessories will go on......

More than I could have imagined.....

God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,

according to his power that is at work within us.

Ephesians 3:20

I always love reading a Bible verses. I find that a verse can take on a different meaning to me every time I read it, depending on my current stage of life. The verse above for example. I have asked a lot from God the past couple of weeks. One, of the many things I have asked for is clarity. I want my life back, I don't want to be consumed with the things that are out of my control. Yesterday I felt, for the first time, like me again. I was able to cut out a bag with no mistakes, I even made a couple of stitches on the sewing machine. As I drove Jessie to school I found myself looking at all the amazing spring blooms and realizing for the first time I didn't have tears in my eyes. I wasn't crying!!! I didn't feel scared or confused anymore. I was smiling thinking about spring coming, thinking about the bags I make which then made me think of the bag above and what God did! It was more then I could have imagined....

So here is the story behind this bag......

This bag was made at the same time as the bags that were made for the Susan G Komen auction. Which is where it was to be sent. This bag however did not make it to the mail box, it stayed right here in Sweet Home Alabama. 

The flight suit was donated by a spouse who's husband attends SAASS with Scott. They donated the uniform to me after they had heard that I was doing bags for an auction. The zipper had broke and was unwearable for her husband, so instead of throwing it away they gave it to me.....AWESOME! So I made my very first cut into this uniform. This was the first flight suit bag I had ever made. 

I was very excited when I finished the bag. I wanted to share that excitement with the spouse that donated the flight suit. So I did just that. She did not let it go, she fell in love and wanted it. I was stuck. This meant I had one less to send to Minot. What was I going to do? These bags were not meant to be sold to put money in my pocket they were meant to be auctioned off. I also had no idea what to charge for this bag since I had never sold a bag before now. This meant I would have to come up with two more bag designs, find two more flight suits to cut up and figure out to amount to charge and what to do with the money. I was at a loss. 

Figuring out the price to charge was the easy part. I did some research on the internet, looking at other bag sellers web sights to see what they charged. Added up my costs and came up with a price. Still nothing was screaming...."DONATE THIS MONEY HERE"!!!! 

Then it happened.....I got two more flight suits donated from another spouse. That spouse had an amazing story. She and her husband have 4 boys together and were in the process of adopting two sweet boys from China. They were doing fund raising themselves. At the time they were seeking items to be sold at a garage sale to raise money for adoption costs. I believe flight suits were among those items donated. So, instead of selling them to get much needed funds for the adoption, they gave them to me. Amazing....right?

I was able to make the two bags that I said I would make to send to Minot. Now, what do I do with the money from the bag I had sold. It didn't take long to figure out. Just like the verse said, God will do more than we ask or imagine. He did! After e-mailing back and forth with Sonia, (she is the amazing mom of this amazing family), God told me what to do with that money.....give it to this awesome family. Seems like an obvious thing to do and may seem like it is not that amazing, but it is. At least what ended up happening is still amazing to me!

As the money sat in my drawer, Sonia had her garage sale. I had already made my decision to donate the funds to her, but had not told her this news. She posted a status update on her Facebook telling us the amount she raised from the garage sale and was thrilled. Thrilled because, the amount was just shy of the total amount needed to cover an upcoming expense pertaining to the adoption. 

This is the part that is AMAZING......In my dresser was the amount that would bring them to the exact total they needed. The amount that would mean no money out of their own pockets for this particular expense. He did it, more then I had asked or could imagine. I would have never imagined that the amount in my dresser was the amount needed to cover the rest of their expense. I had asked for guidance with what to do with this money and He gave me more then I could have asked for or imagined!

How awesome is that???!!! This is why I make these bags, because things like this keep happening. It is beyond amazing to me every time. 

Today, I am amazed that I have clarity again. That I am able to type out this story and not be consumed with my issues, that I am able to sew and be distracted. Able to sew bags that keep bringing amazing stories to my life!

Gracefully, I look up thankful for clarity again...even if it is just for a short time. This clarity brings me happiness in a time that has me consumed with sadness. It gives me the happiness to face the next chapter in whatever God has written for me. 

If you would like to read Sonia's story , please do! She is an awesome blogger and story teller, she will make you laugh and cry all at the same time! Plus, what she did is worth reading, it is amazing and the boys, well they are just too sweet!!!!

A New Start at the Finish Line!

13.1 miles ahead of me. 13.1 miles that would bring on a new meaning for me. 13.1 miles that I planned on running faster then I had ever ran before. 13.1 miles that would bring a new confidence to me. 13.1 miles that would show me a strength in myself that would prove I could fight anything placed in front of or inside of me.

Race Day.... We had feared the weather would not be in our favor, but that fear quickly passed. The wind was low, the temperature was perfect. The sky was overcast, blocking the bright sun. It was perfect weather for running.

Physically, I was ready. Ready to set a new PR. We had completed the training program. Not as strong as we should have, which is why we set our time goal lower. Scott and I decided that a sub 2 hour Half was not going to happen. But, we had trained enough to set a PR. Our time goal was 2:16, and we were perfectly content with that.

So, Scott set his GPS watch to our pace. We went to the start line and waited to start the race. Mentally, I felt stronger then I had felt in a long time. I had something to prove to myself. I viewed this race as a symbol to what my fight would be like. I knew inside that if I ran my fastest and ran through every pain, I could fight whatever was fighting me inside. So I was confident, and ready to show my body who was boss.

The gun went off and off we ran. My legs carried me like they had never carried me before. I was running faster then I had ever ran a half marathon. We were clipping the miles off one at time with ease. Scott would call out our time after every mile and every time we were at least 1 minute 20 seconds ahead of our pace. It felt amazing. I started to feel weak at one point, then the first place finisher ran past us. He ran with grace, he made running look beautiful. Inspiring!  My mental strength kicked in and my legs kept moving. I felt no pain, my weakness left. I knew then my legs would carry me through this whole race....I was going to do this!!!!

We reached the half way point strong. I still felt good. When I would look over at Scott, he looked proud. He had a look in his eyes that made me want to push harder. I wanted him to see that I was not going to let 7-20 cm and a lump control me.

Mile 7 turned to into mile 9 then 10. I was still feeling strong. My legs were still carrying me along. Then it happened with only 3 miles to go. 7-20 cm came between me and finishing this race stronger and faster then I had ever finished a race. 7-20 cm of pain like I had never felt before. Not leg pain, not knee pain, but cyst pain. The pain that I was going to show who the boss was. Pain that I was not going to let control me anymore....it did. Right, at mile 10 it showed me who was in control. I felt it kick in with force. I felt like I was going to throw up, it hurt so bad. I was not ready to quit, and I didn't. Tears filled my eyes, I was P-I-S-S-E-D. Why now, why here, why, why, why, why, why couldn't you wait 3 more miles.

Scott, put his arm around me. He knew I was hurting. The words he said, (I wish I could quote everyone of them), pushed me. So we wiped my tears, pick a starting point and pressed on. I was trying my hardest to push threw. I knew I wasn't going to set a PR, but I was still going to finish this race strong. I was going to slow jog this in, not walk it in. I tried, I tried so hard to just slow jog but the pain consumed me. So mentally I decided I would walk a little more at mile 11 and try to build some strength to overcome this pain. If I could do that I could run the rest of this race, not as strong as I when we started but I could still run it in and feel proud. I dug in deep, searching for strength, fighting back tears, fighting this pain. Finishers started lining the streets carrying there new Vera Bradley bags. They had this seasons print, Jess would freak out. She was so excited to get our bags. She had no idea what print she was getting. I had to get to that finish line to get her that bag. That was motivation. I kept on going. The mile 12 came, only one more mile. The pain struck again, I had to walk.....I have NEVER walk any part of the last mile of a race. I picked two cones and decided I would run again. I was not going to walk this last mile. I was not going to walk through the finish line.....I didn't! It hurt, it hurt bad. I was mad, sad, disappointed. I had something to prove and I didn't prove it.

As I ran toward the finish line I noticed the banner said Start, not Finish. I am sure this was done for photo purposes, but I viewed it as a sign. This is the Start for me not the finish. Even though we didn't finish with a new PR, we started a new journey together. A journey that I will start with strength and confidence just like I started this race. With Scott by my side, and God all around me, I will do this!  So I did. I kept running. I picked up my pace and ran under the banner and through the finish line strong. We finished strong and will finish strong again!

Here is a photo of the swag. I am thinking Scott is going to look so cute carrying his new tote to class with all of his books!!!

Thumbs up and big smiles. We finished this race with a time of 2 hours and 21 minutes.

Scott joked with me and turned my sadness into laughter. He made me proud....again!

I LOVE THIS GUY!!!!







Gracefully, I looked up to God so many times during this race. I looked for strength. I felt His had on my back as He pushed me along. His love is so amazing. Feeling His presence gets me through everything!