Food Could Be the Reason....

Facing the fear that my cancer could be back has provided me with time to think. Time to think about the changes we have made to make my life and my families healthier. According to medical studies, I am not your typical breast cancer patient. Statistically speaking I was the last person to get this crap. I was in my twenties, breast feed and was breast feeing my baby, and no one in my family had breast cancer. Doctor's doubted that I had cancer for months. In fact, going into my surgery to remove my ducts, the Doctor told me that the surgery was elective. That they were preforming the procedure because I was unhappy with what was occurring. It wasn't until after the surgery that the Doctor admitted that I had cancer. I had Stage Zero Ductal Carcinoma. No radiation or chemo needed, my "elective procedure" took it away. My question after that was, "Why did I get cancer in the first place"? If I was doing everything right why did I get this crap. The Doctor was unable to provide any answers to that question. In fact to this day, I have yet to find a Doctor that can answer this question.

So Scott and I did some research on our own. We wanted to figure it out. Not only for me but for my kids. We also wanted to know what to do to keep cancer away. We read, and we are still reading...

What we have found so far is, diet. Food and things contained in food cause cancer. Looking at my lifestyle this made perfect sense to us. So we made changes lots of changes....

Anything with artificial sweeteners; Phenylalanine and Aspartame are out...

We will not ever drink diet anything. We read every label looking for the above ingredients. Let me tell you, it is hard to find a breath saver that does not contain aspartame. So far all we can find is Altoids. So that is all we buy. In fact this ingredient is in almost everything. It is pure poison. I have not read one thing that would make me think differently. It not only causes cancer, but is the reason for a lot of other medical issues. Heart problems and joint pain, just to name a few. So it is out and will never come into my home!

We have for the most part become vegetarians. At one point we had become Vegan. This has been hard with three vegetable hating kids in the house! We struggle to find recipes that everyone will enjoy. So shrimp, fish and on a rare occasion we will eat turkey burger or chicken. Red meat is out. Things with lots of animal protein are limited to a small amount or not at all. We continue to read and research and believe most of the studies. There are always a few that are a bit crazy, but I do believe diet has a lot to do with why there is an increase in cancers of all types. 

In fact there was a segment on the Today show yesterday about this idea. Sheryl Crow is a breast cancer survivor and she believes the same thing as Scott and I do, that what you eat could cause cancer.  I love that she got on the show and said just that. She is using her celebrity power to spread the word, to help us make changes. I am just Tara, and can't do that! So I appreciate people like her. She made my life easier by publishing a cookbook. 

Preordered this bad boy yesterday. It hits the shelves today. The recipes are separated out by season, which is so awesome. That means fresh and cheap veggies! Each recipe includes a vegan or vegetarian option. To top it all off, each recipe contains cancer fighting foods. How awesome is that!!! I can't wait for it to come in the mail. I promise to post pictures and reviews of what we try! I am hoping this becomes our new Betty Crocker cookbook!!! 

Books like this help me. They help me believe that I am not crazy. That our beliefs are true. Other people believe it. I feel if I can convince others of our beliefs, maybe one less person will have cancer. Wouldn't that be amazing!!! 

Saved By Grace...

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, 

the new creation has come:

The old has gone,

THE NEW IS HERE

2 Corinthians 5:17

Over the last few days, I have received many comments. A couple of them have weighed heavy on my heart. The comments were large indications that some people don't know me. They know the person that I was, and not the person I am. Over time I have changed, I have changed a lot.

I have realized that I am completely different than I was 5 years ago. I have a lot of things that define me as a person or at least things that would provide people with labels to describe me. I have heard people describe me as a mom, a military wife, a sewer, and a runner. I am all of those, but there was a huge change in my life that changed the way I do all of the above things, I am a Christ Follower. 

I think this label is hard for some people to see me as. People that knew me before and read my blog now are probably shocked at my writings. My quoting of scripture and my talk of faith is not how I wrote before. Comments have made me wonder if people think I am posting these things, because I am going though a time that requires strong faith. This life situation does require strong faith. My faith is strong through all situations. It strengthens with each hardship, but it is and will forever be there. 

My life is now defined by my faith. I do not live a perfect life. I fall short more times than I dare to count. I make mistakes and have made huge mistakes. But, five years ago I was freed from all of those mistakes. I put my trust and faith in God and His Amazing Grace saved me. I WAS SAVED BY GRACE!!!!

It is one of the most amazing things that has ever happened to me. The feeling of Christ filling your heart is unbelievable. It is a feeling I longed for. When that feeling came over me, I felt free and still do. 

I believe that prayer works in all things. I believe my life is planned out. What is before me is already determined, my steps are not my own. That gives me great peace. When I say things like, "God has placed me exactly where I need to be", I believe that. It is not just something I type. 

Being a Christ Follower, for me does not mean that I have changed all things about me. I love Christian music now, but also LOVE Pink. Drinking wine is still something I enjoy. My swearing is something I wish I could stop and I pray about it often, but my mouth is still yucky. I still have the sense of humor that I have always had. I am still a mother, a runner, a military wife and a sewer....

I am still Tara, I just live a lot differently. 

Hope, Peace, Joy!!!!

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him,

so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

I am sure I have posted this verse before today. In fact I am positive of it. I have hope and now I have peace and with that peace I have joy. Boy oh boy do I have joy!!!! (I am a poet and I don't even know it!)

Today was a big day. I had my appointment that I hoped would provide me with some answers, some relief. I was terrified, because I had been here before and the outcome wasn't good. So I feared the worst. That is what comes with being a survivor, little bumps could mean bad things.  4 years ago, I became a survivor. When you have survived something like cancer, for me, I felt powerful and strong. When you are told the words you are a survivor, you want to scream it out loud so the whole world can celebrate with you. There are downfalls to being a breast cancer survivor, it means you had it once and we will have to keep checking to see if it comes back. When you go into a doctor's office and they see a cyst or feel a lump, or in my case both, you become very frightened. You have had all of that before and it was cancer. Any growth scares the living poo right out of you. Being a survivor means you were a fighter and you don't ever want to fight again.

I was fearful of the worse case scenario that I had a lump in my breast that is cancer and it had spread to my ovary. I feared my battle would be the a long hard battle. I had thoughts of not seeing my kids grow up. Fears that I would not grow old. Fear that my husband would have to take some crazy job so I could get to a treatment facility that would make me better. I feared the worst. I tried so hard to stay positive, hoped for the best, but I was scared. I am pretty sure I have never been this scared in my whole life. Even four years ago, I wasn't this afraid. 

I have turned to the Bible more times in the last month then I have in a very long time. Verses like this kept me hopeful and strong. My faith is very strong and today I know why. The Gyn said my 7cm cyst is gone!!!!! Yep, you read that right, that sucker is G-O-N-E......GONE!!! He believes the speed of my half marathon is what started the rupture! So I did set a personal record! I mean really, how many people can say they ruptured a cyst during a race. Pretty sure the pros don't even have that! Sponsors should be calling any time now!!! Yep, I ran so fast I ruptured a cyst....I am thinking that gives me rockstar status and a new PR!!!

As you can tell my humor is back. The feeling that I have right now is AWESOME! If I still didn't hurt so much, I am pretty sure I would be doing back flips! Love feeling this happy again and I only have half the results. Still waiting on the mammo. I have higher hopes as far as the results go with that. Knowing  I don't have ovarian cancer leads me to believe that I don't have breast cancer either. If I do, at least that is all I have. It hasn't made its way to my ovary.

So no cyst means no surgery. I do still have pain, but I believe that will be gone very soon. My ovary is sensitive since it had such a large cyst on it. So it will remain tender for a bit. I believe the relief I have mentally will also take that pain away. Knowing that I don't have 7 cm of fun attached to my ovary makes me less stressed out. The doctor only wants to see me back if the pain doesn't go away. So I am free!!! Free of the cyst, free of pain (hopefully soon) and free of fear!

Trusting in God gave me the hope and peace to get through this half and will be there to get me through the second half. I am overflowing with joy, hope and am overwhelmed by the power of the Holy Spirit. My God is an AWESOME God. He has seen me through it all and will continue to do so. I am so thankful for my trust in HIM!!!!

One result down, one to go and then we will P-A-R-T-Y!!!! I am beyond thrilled right now and am holding on to this feeling for as long as I am able!


Gracefully, I look up to you Amazing God, you are the God of hope and peace. You have given me a joy that is overwhelming. I am speechless.....

One Thing at a Time!

So, things are starting to move forward. An appointment has been made and tomorrow, I may have some answers. I know I will not have all of them. I am totally content with that. God only gives you what you can handle. Looking back on the last couple of weeks, I know this to be true!

I think I knew that all along, but it is good to be reminded every now and again. We have a lot going on, as you know. Two weeks ago, my appointment got cancelled the same day we received notice that we are heading to California. Although the cancellation upset me, I now see why it happened! Finding out you are moving across the county is kind of a big deal. Lots of obsessing planning and preparation has to happen. Scott, Jessie, and I have googled just about everything that has to do with Central Coast CA. Yesterday, Scott and I narrowed down our options and became content with our choices of schools, gyms and commute time. Today Scott received his RIP ( his unofficial orders) with his report date. We had a million questions about his job and, today he received answers. Today, I feel like we have most of the answers and are ready to head West. It is a good feeling, to feel like you have a good hold of something.

Although, finding peace in one area doesn't mean you have peace in all areas. There is still that whole lump and cyst thing. It has been nice to obsess about something else for a while. As we grew more content with our future and felt a little more relaxed about our move, we got a reminder. The reminder being, I still don't have answers. A phone call with an appointment date was a perfect reminder. Tomorrow, after a two week break I will head in the see the Gyn, hoping for a plan. Tomorrow we will discuss the plan for my cyst on my ovary. I am hoping it goes just like our move plans, and I come out with a sense of peace with the way ahead.

The mammogram result should be here in about 2 weeks. By then I am hoping that I will have resolved my other health issue and will be able to focus on whatever those results are.

See, God only gives you what you can handle. Appointment cancelled, because I could not handle  figuring out California and deciding on surgery or not. Appointment made before mammo results because I am not sure I can handle both issues at one time. So, I am perfectly content with the plan so far. I am not angry that everything is going the way it has been going. God is in all control and I appreciate the way He is handling this, one thing at a time. So to date I have only had 100 a couple meltdowns. I appreciate being able to focus on something else for a minute. The pain has become a lot more then I would like to handle on any given day, so my appointment came at the perfect time. We are going to figure out what it will take to get rid of this pain and give me my life back. After that is done we will face whatever it is that the mammogram says and it will certainly be only what I can handle!

I have enjoyed the last week and a half focusing on other important things in life. I had an amazing week with my kiddos enjoying lots of time with our favorite neighbors. The last 2 days, I have spent with Scott getting refocused on life and making a plan for our future. Life has been good! The break from it all was great. I will go in tomorrow with clear mind ready for whatever the next step is!



Gracefully I look up, thankful for one thing at a time.

Short ones cry too......

Spring has sprung and it is absolutely beautiful out. I just got back from a great walk with Scott. We have been slacking a bit the last couple of weeks. Thesis time was important, kids were off from school, and I have been in a bit of pain. So walking with him this morning was important to me. I cherish our time together. We have had a lot going on and haven't really had a lot of time to talk about it. Although, I think we would rather not talk about it. Sometimes things go away for a minute, if you let them. 

This morning before that wonderful walk, I was reminded of how easily we forget what is going on. How overwhelming life can be at times. You can put on a happy face on the outside but inside you might not be so happy. You might be scared, overwhelmed, and just sad. Little kids have a funny way of showing emotion. My littlest is very emotional. She loves with her whole heart. Her goal is to make everyone happy all the time, to be the BEST at everything. She puts a lot of pressure on herself. Getting a B is not an option for her!  She is a lot like her daddy and I love that about her. It is hard at times, if anything goes wrong she will carry the burden. Heart brake reaches a whole new level with this little one. 

So this morning as Scott and I were getting the little ones ready for school, Scott asked for the spray bottle to fix Jameson's hair. Well, last week the spray bottle broke. Jillian was using it to fix her doll's hair and it broke. It was a cheap thing and was going to brake at any moment. It just happen to brake while Jillian was using it. So when Scott ask for it and I responded with, "it broke", tears filled her eyes. We wiped the tears told her it wasn't her fault and tried to make her smile again. It worked for a minute, then tears came back. It was a bit frustrating because she was crying over a stupid spray bottle, not a big deal. So I got eye level with her and asked what was bothering her. Explained that the spray bottle is not a big deal, and we are not mad. She replied with, "I know, I am just sad I am going to miss so much school". She is scared that she will fall behind. Scared that she will miss something. Afraid it is her fault that she missed school on Friday because of head lice. She believes it is her fault she got them. Like I said she carries the burden of everything. It was heart braking. Scott and I both hugged her and gave her love and words of encouragement. She left the house with a smile on her face.

After she left I started thinking. Thinking about what set her off. She is tired from a fun weekend, maybe that fueled the emotion. Then I really thought about it, this poor thing has a lot going on right now. She has a state gymnastics meet on Friday, a meet that she is afraid of because, she is certain she won't take first place. No matter what anybody tells her, she still places a lot pressure on herself. Afraid she is missing too much school and won't get straight A's, she is not even close to getting a B. If she missed 30 days of school this child would still have all A's. Afraid she is hurting people because she is moving. So many people have said to her, that they don't want her to leave. They have given her pictures of them crying with words that say, "I will miss you" and "Please don't move". This brakes her heart. She doesn't want sad around her, she wants happy. Now, because she is moving people are crying. She believes this is her fault. She is scared, just like me. Afraid her mommy is sick, I don't want her to be afraid. I want all the fear to be placed inside of me, but the truth is we all are scared. She wants to fix everything and knowing she can't, made her cry this morning. 

Her smile was placed on her face on the outside but inside she was crying. I pray that today she got her tears out, lifted the burden off her heart and is smiling right now. I love how much my Jillian Hart loves. I love her drive and determination. She amazes me, all three of my children amaze me. Her tears this morning served as a reminder, that even short ones are going through a lot. I just need to get to their level and talk about things with them. I know she is not the only one dealing with all of these things right now. If she fixed anything this morning, it was that I now know I need to sit and talk with Jameson and Jessie. I don't want them to carry any worry on their hearts. I want them to keep being the strong, happy kids they are. Let dad and I worry for you, let God fix all things and just smile! 

So this morning, I gracefully look up to God and ask him to take her sadness away. Let Jillian know that she is not the cause of heart brake. That it is all in your control. You will make everything right and take on our fears. Please turn her tears into a smile.......

Moving Again?????

To be a part of the military, I find you have to be.....

Adventurous

Strong

Daring

Patient

Independent

And most of all.....TOUGH SKINNED!

This life is amazing to me! I love every minute of it. I love where we have been and the adventures we have been able to have. This military life has allowed us to move to places that I am sure, without orders, I would have never even visited! Our family is coming up on move #5! 

Move #1: Minot AFB, North Dakota (my home state) to Holloman AFB, New Mexico

Move #2: Holloman AFB, New Mexico to Mountain Home AFB, Idaho

Move #3: Mountain Home AFB, Idaho to Nellis AFB, Nevada (Viva Las Vegas, Baby!!)

Move #4 Nellis AFB, Nevada to Maxwell AFB, Alabama

and now to Move #5: Sweet Home Alabama to Vandenberg AFB, California

It would take hours to list the amazing things that have occurred at each base. From babies being born, to deployments, places we got to see, amazing friendships made, the list could go on and on! With each move comes a list of questions and statements from people that are not in the military, people that quite frankly don't get this life!

Your moving again????

Yuck, I would never raise my child there?

Do your kids like moving?

How can you move them so much?

We want stability for our children, don't want them messed up....

Lots of military kids have a hard time with reality (life outside of the military), does that bother you?

Everybody has an opinion on how bad our previous location was and how much better there state will be for us!!!

The list goes on, and this my friends, is why you develop tough skin. People say the darndest things. Their statements to them are true, and what we are doing is terrible. God forbid, we answer back with what we really think. Believe me, at times I have a lot of words for many people. On a positive note, I understand their line of questions. I know that they are curious. Military life brings on a lot of questions and after 11 years of it, I still don't have all the answers. I can answer some of the above questions though, maybe give you a better understanding of our crazy life and why we love it!

We will move again, and again, and more than likely several more times. Our assignments will get shorter and more frequent. We expect to move every 1 to 2 years. 3 years at one location would be a long time. Do we like everywhere we have moved, YES! We have loved it. Our children have swam in every ocean that borders our country. They have seen amazing sights, such as the Grand Canyon of Arizona and the historical sights of South Carolina. They have been to both Disneyland and Disney World. They have flown on a Air Force Cargo plane to Hawaii and have eaten the amazing cuisines of many cultures. Each state has offered something unique. The cultures of each vary drastically. From the way they talk to the food they eat, my children have seen it all!!! To me, they are getting experiences that are incomparable to most, they are becoming well rounded amazing individuals because of this life. 

They have courage and strength that I could not have come close to having as a youth. Jessie's first day of junior high and high school both have been and will be at new schools. I remember being nervous, because I was going to the big schools, that alone gives one butterflies! This strong girl will go to the big school, being the new kid, in a new state. Our school shopping usually takes place after the first week of school in a new state because kids dress differently everywhere. We have bought too many of the "wrong things" and wasted a few dollars to know that this is the best way to shop! Jillian and Jameson will be the new kids as well. They have each other to lean on. Best friends is an understatement! If one has a fear, the other makes it go away. 

 Do they love to move.....YEP! A new excitement comes with every assignment and they can't wait to get there.  As parents we do our best to keep them excited.  We buy them new bedroom stuff with every move, and try to visit some place exciting on our way. The trip we have planned for this move is Key West, Florida! We know that moving is challenging, but I can't imagine staying in one place for too long. If we didn't move to the places we have moved to, we wouldn't have as many amazing friends that we are blessed to have. I wouldn't have had experiences like taking my dad to the Pacific for the first time. This is a crazy life and we love every move of it! 

So Yes, we are moving again. Yes, I will raise my children in places like Vegas, and California. No, I am not afraid that they will become gang bangers! Yes, they love to move and I pack up their bags and put them in the car, that is how I move them. No, I don't think they will be messed up, if they are, it is not because they are military brats, it is because they have me for a mom! Stability, will I am certain that even if you never move, every life has some instability about it, one must overcome and make it stable! Last but not least, I agree your home state is the best and you will never find me saying anything but that! Every state has been the best because God placed us there and I am with the best 5 people on earth!!!

                 

Pink Flamingos, American Girls, and Two Smiling Faces!

In December, I received an e-mail from Jillian's best friend's mom, Teresa. The e-mail would start a countdown to the best weekend ever for Jillian. This awesome family decided to celebrate their daughter Riley's birthday, with a trip to the American Girl Doll Store in Atlanta with her best friend, Jillian!!! 

So everything had to be perfect for this perfect weekend....

What is more perfect than matching outfits!!

The flamingo outfit would the outfit they will wear to the store! They both LOVE flamingos! The last birthday celebration together was Jillian's. They built matching flamingos at Build-a-Bear, which now go on every trip they have together! So flamingo outfits will be perfect!!!

Then to plan what to pack. This process was well planned out by Jillian. She fixed her doll's hair just right, put on the perfect outfit and made sure her flamingo and American girl Catalog were also in the bag. Toothbrush, clean clothes....who cares about that stuff??!! The important stuff was packed!!!

Sleeping last night....pretty sure she was too excited to sleep! She woke up, got ready and headed out the door before they had the chance to pull up into the driveway!!!

Good thing they were early! Not sure what this high level of excitement would bring next!

They ARRIVED!!!!

And off she went.....

I wish I was with her to see her face when she gets to this awesome store. I can picture her face, eyes lit up and a big grin that I am sure will not leave her face until Monday morning! She will jump up and down, giggle continuously and she will say everything is AWESOME, cause that is how Jillian rolls!!

Tonight they get to have dinner at the American Girl Bistro, then go the the hotel that is set up with pink linens, and beds special for their dolls. At bedtime they get chocolate chip cookies and milk brought to the room. In the morning there is a special breakfast complete with pink tablecloths and a special seat for your doll. I am so excited for her and a bit jealous. 

I hope she has the best trip ever with the best people ever! This memory will last a lifetime! Thanks Calhouns, you guys rock!