One right after the other.
Some so fast it hurts to catch them.
Sometimes so many you just can't catch anymore....
My mitt is getting wore out. My hand is loosing the ability to hold on.
Life is starting to catch up with me.
The last few weeks have been very tough. I found a lump in my right breast that caused quite a stir. Lots of labs and screenings to find out that my breast cancer has never really gone away. My breast cancer that turned into ovarian cancer has been in my body for close to 7 years. That 7 years ago, my Dr. failed me. Failed to do the correct operation to get rid of my cancer. So for 7 years, I have battled cancer and will continue to battle it. The good news is, it is a battle I can win. For that I should be happy...right?
I don't feel so positive. I am angry....
I am angry that I should be fine. I am angry that I should have never had to go through the crap I have gone through for 7 years.
Don't get me wrong...I am very lucky, very blessed. This could have all gone a lot worse. I could be dead....I have my life, I have my awesome family, I have my strength, I have a lot of things that are right with me, but I also have cancer.
Yes, it is the curable kind, but it has caused me a lot of sickness and weakness that I HATE! It has caused lots of surgeries, a lifetime of scares and worry, and time away from the things I love. Chemo made me weak it still attacks me and makes me sick. In fact before I can attempt to take oral chemo I have to take medication to build my immune system so I will be strong enough to handle the next round of chemo. The immune booster shots make my whole body hurt. The pain is bad enough that I grind my teeth in my sleep which causes teeth to crack, which caused me to unexpectedly have to get all four of my wisdom teeth pulled yesterday. See.....CANCER SUCKS!!!!
I am loosing my positive, I am letting cancer take that from me too. I am getting angry at people that just want to support and love me. I am loosing this winnable battle. I am getting mad when people say things like, "that is great news"! Really, great news....I have cancer still. I have to be on a stupid pill that is going to make me sick again....what is so flipping great about that?!
See, mean.....I am turning mean.
So today, I will change that! I will not let cancer take the one thing that it has yet to take from me, and that my friends is my POSITIVE ROCK STAR attitude. Cancer, can make me feel weak, make me crack my teeth, make pedicures painful, but it will not take my positive. People have called me an inspiration and I need to live up to that. I need to stop pouting and start accepting what is good. I need to LIVE!!!
So today, I choose to live!
Yes, yesterday I lost four teeth. Today, I get a shot that knocks me on my ass. But, today I will not let those things rip me apart.
I will hold on to the verse that has been my rock for 7 years, the verse that has made me strong and positive.
The Lord will fight for you;
You only need to be still.
Exodus 14:14
I will hold on to that and continue this fight with a positive attitude. I will LIVE today and every day that God is giving me. He has given me these 7 years and I am thankful for that. Thankful for the strength that I have build up in myself, thankful for the good things cancer has given me. I need to focus on those good things and have a Rockstar attitude! Quite frankly, this negative attitude is exhausting, so......I am done with that!
Back to the good life.....
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