My New View on Friendship....

Confession time. Warning this blog may shock you. The content is Real and 100% how I feel.

Yes, I struggle. I struggle with more than health problems. I struggle with love. No, not love from my husband, kids, or parents. Not love from God. I struggle with love from friends.

Yep, love from friends.

Until recently, I wasn't sure you were suppose to love friends. In my mind I thought you only love family. Not sure if I was raised that way or if this was a theory I came up with on my own. Either way my mind said love family not friends.

 Maybe, I haven't loved friends because I haven't totally committed. Maybe, I haven't loved friends because I was trying to fit into the wrong crowd. A crowd that consisted of people opposite of me. Therefore, my heart didn't feel love because I wasn't loving where I was.

No, I am not going through some pity party. No one has hurt me and no drama has occurred. In fact the opposite is happening. I am falling in love with my friends. I am actually giddy about a new friendship. I am finally believing I can pick out the toxic friends from my amazing friends. Real people from fake. Although, it is becoming tough at times, it is also making me grow. Giving me confidence, realizing I don't have to be friends with everybody and I don't have to take shit from anybody. I love this feeling.

I fought my whole life to fit in with the "in" crowd. Not looking outside of the crowd and seeing what else was out there. I believe that limited me and my decisions. I also believe it prevented me from finding love in friends. The artsy crowd wasn't cool. So I stuck with what was cool. I didn't match up with people because I wasn't being me.

I also believe I need to figure out who "me" was. I think I did.

I am an artist. I love to create. Never, until recently would I have said those words about myself. A new friendship has help me realize that. A friend that can see who you are is worth loving. Holly is worth loving!!!

I have been so blessed to have her in my life. I am so thankful that we had time in Atlanta to reconnect.  Making a bag for her was the best thing I have ever done for a friend! It has opened up new avenues for me. Also, giving me a confidence in myself that has until now, has been lacking.  Confidence to move forward with my bags. Explore the opportunities that are being placed before me. Opportunities placed before me by other artists. I have had goals with my bags and Holly help me refocus those goals. Goals that I can't wait to share with you very soon!

Holly also gets other things about me. We have a lot in common and share a lot of the same views on life. I believe even when we disagree we will still be able to see each other's point without hating one another.

I love all of that about her.

She is unbelievably talented. Her film Prairie Love was amazing. Her acting skills are crazy good. I still have 10,000 questions about certain creative elements in the film. I would love to be able to sit with the whole crew that was involved in this awesome film and ask them all my questions. I watched this film from a perspective that I have never done before. Looking for the creative elements. Film is art and Prairie Love taught me that. It also makes me want to watch more independent films. I now see that there is more to a film than the story, there is an art in it. Holly taught me that.

So in a nutshell, I have found love in a friend. A friend that deserves to be love is a friend that teaches you things, gets you, and builds confidence in yourself. Encourages you to do the things you are good at and stops you from doing things that you suck at. A friend that deserves your love is someone that loves you for you. Holly is that to me.

Being with her in Atlanta changed me. Changed the way I view a friend and changed the way I view myself. So, thanks Holly! I love ya, girl!!!!



Gracefully I look up, thankful that I have been able to figure out "me". Thankful that God is placing things and people before me to help me with my challenges. Helping me refocus my goals and giving me the tools to achieve them. Thankful that He is placing people in my life that are worth loving and He is showing me how to love them!!!

14 Years Of Amazing

I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made

Psalms 139 :14

14 years ago, we were handed a ticket for a roller coaster ride full of excitement, love, laughter, and pure craziness. We became parents for the first time to an amazing, wonderful and smart brown eyed girl. As I look at the picture above I see what is in store for Jess. Dreams and goals that are as big as the ocean. I know that whatever Jessie does it will be done with perfection. That is how she roles!

Jessie is an amazing kid. She is brilliant and creative. Loving and hard headed. Gracious and smart-mouthed. She loves her brother and sister with all she has. Her willingness to take care of them is amazing.  

She has faith in God, that I wish I had when I was her age. The verse under the photo is her favorite. I think it speaks volumes about her confidence and trust in the Lord.  She was fearfully and wonderfully made. She was made just for us. God placed Jessie in our lives unexpectedly. She was a shocker and continues to shock us daily! 

She is beyond strong. Jess has moved the most of our three kids. She does it with a strength that I can't begin to imagine having. Everywhere we go she fits in. She makes friends and smiles lots. I have no fear about sending her off to college in 4 years. She is independent, smart, and adventurous and is going to do great things. Scott and I are very excited about planning her future with her. Being with her every step of the way. Helping make sure her dreams come true, no matter how big. 

I love you Jessie Helen. You are and will always be my favorite brown eyed girl! I love the spirit and laughter you bring to our family. Continue being who you are, because you are awesome!!! I hope you know that we have your back always, we are your best friends forever!!!

Gracefully I look up, thankful for the ultimate blessing from God.....our Jessie!!!!

I Am Still Alive....Just a Little Busy!

So, it has been brought to my attention by two of my family members that I have been a lazy blogger. I completely agree! I am not sure why I have had such a gap in my postings. It may have something to do with all the crazy that is called....LIFE!!! So much has been going on in our world and I want to elaborate on everything but for now here is just a quick list.....

Finished 2 more bags.....both have great stories!

A Beach Trip/Visit From My Parents.....Lots of sun, fun, and a sting by a jellyfish!

Alabama Tornados.....tragic, scary, and unbelievable

Atlanta Film Festival.....great time, great film, and loved bonding with a old friend. I am actually giddy about the friendship that has formed between Holly and I!

Death of Osama Bin Ladin.....one man that changed our life as a military family. I am a very proud military spouse and so proud of our heros!

A Business Opportunity.....may have the opportunity to work with a very cool boutique and the owner is off the hook cool!!!

And most importantly my sweet Jessie turned 14!!!


See lots going on and I can't wait to write more about each event! Life has been great for all lately! Busy, but so great! Sorry for being a lazy blogger!!!

The Virtual World, and A Bag=Reconnection!

So FB is a pretty cool thing, most of the time. I have been given the chance to reconnect with people that I haven't talk to in years. Actually building friendships with people that I was just acquaintances with.

My bags have also given me the chance to really get to know someone. I know, a bag building a friendship, seems crazy. It is true. Making a bag for a person really helps you get to know someone. You can tell a lot about a person through the fabric they choose! That and the 100 e-mails that go back and forth until the bag is finally finished.

I post most of my bag pictures on FB, so people can see what they are getting before I put them in the mail. I receive some awesome comments on the photos I post. Sometimes I receive a personal message in my inbox from people asking for a bag. Most of the requests come from fellow AF spouses but one time I got a request for a laptop bag from a nonmilitary friend. That request came from this cool chick......

Holly Ellis

Holly and I went to high school together and haven't talked since we graduated 14 years ago. We became "friends" on Facebook and started building a friendship through status updates! Holly is awesome. She currently lives in New York City......cool, huh? That is not the only cool thing about her. She is also an actor and a producer. She recently acted and co-produced a film that was selected for the Sundance Film Festival. 

This is the film!

Prior to the festival she had requested the laptop bag. I was pumped. 

Pumped because....

1. She is going to be a "big deal"

2. She is not a military spouse and is honored to carry a military uniform on her shoulder

3. My bag is going to Sundance and carried in New York City!

The main reason I said yes was not because of the above, but because I saw a chance to build a friendship. I have always thought Holly was cool. Through reading her posts on FB, I really felt like I was getting to know her. I knew we would be friends if we could ever meet up again. She is so care free and fun, I love that about her. She is unique and real and I am drawn to people with those traits. So I said, yes!

Let the bag planning begin!

First question, "what is your favorite color"?  For some reason I remember that Holly's favorite color was orange. I was right and also remembered a couple of other details about Holly that help make this bag easy to design. People change a lot in 14 years but some things stay the same. I am sure you don't stop liking certain things like, your favorite color and favorite animal! I am also unsure why I remember what Holly liked, but I did!

So I picked, what I thought was the perfect fabric for Holly!

I loved these prints! When I saw them on the bolt in the fabric store,

they screamed, "Holly". So I bought them and started sewing.

Holly had a unique request for a laptop bag. I had never done one before. I was very excited to come up with a new design. So I did some internet searching and came up with what I thought would make a great bag.

A padded holder for the laptop complete with side pleats for expansion 

and a velcro clasp to hold the computer in place.

A large handle that can be adjusted for over the shoulder wear 

or across the body wear. Two smaller handles when over the shoulder

wear isn't an option. Good in times when you need to quick grab and run!

Another detail I add to bags is a personal zipper charm. I try to make them unique to the person I am giving that bag to. This is the part I keep from the bag recipient. I want it to be a little treat for them, an unexpected surprise if you will! For some reason, I remembered that Holly loved pigs. Not sure how or why I remember that. I think it is because of the pig pajama pants she wore in first period English class our Junior year. 

So this charm seemed perfect. I loved this little pig!

I made Holly's bag out of one of Scott's flight suits. I included a card that had all the cool details of where Scott had wore this flight suit. What events had taken place while he wore it. Skipping details like trips to the bathroom and sharing details of places he traveled/deployed to while wearing it! I was honored that she would be carrying my hero's flight suit on her shoulder. I thought she would like to know a bit of history behind the uniform. I am so proud of everything Scott has done and was very proud to share that with a friend! 

Another cool detail about this bag is who the money went to. A while back another high school friend of ours posted an invite to a benefit. The benefit would help raise money for his wife that is battling cancer. So when Holly asked what she owed me, I said nothing is owed to me but thought it would be cool if she donated money to Travis and his wife. She did! I love that this whole thing involved the "Class Of 97"!!!!

So here it is, ready to be shipped to Utah!

The bag made it in time to attend the festival and the film did awesome! Since their Premiere at Sundance, they have premiered at several other festivals. One of them is in Atlanta in 2 weeks. I was very excited when I found this out, because I only live 3 hours from Atlanta. So, yesterday I purchased my tickets to see the movie and to see Holly!!! I am beyond excited to see her again, if only for a hour or so. I am so excited to see this movie and hopefully some other classmates of ours. 

Who would have thought the virtual world, and a bag would build a friendship! I love that I have had the opportunity to build this friendship. I can't wait to see what great things are in store for Holly! I am so thankful that I had an opportunity to make her a bag!!! It was worth every stitch!!!!

A Sweet Pile of FABULOUS!!!!

OK, so I have been reading my blogs, all of them. Talk about depressing....

Ready to write about happy!

I mean, why not? I am in fact very happy! Life is so incredibly great right now!

Like really, really great!

Ever since that fabulous day that they gave me a negative result, things have been WONDERFUL!!! I am not writing happy, I am still in deep thoughts mode. ENOUGH of that!

So here we go......Happy Blog Posts, start in 1......2.....3.........Start!!!!

Last week my awesome Post Lady came walking up to my front door holding this box. OK, so she didn't make it to the front door because some crazy lady came running out of my house to get the box before she reached the door.  

OK, so I am the crazy lady! In fact I stalked my poor mail lady for a couple of weeks, while I was waiting for this box of happy!

With trembling hands and my level of excitement so high I almost peed my pants, I opened the box......

OMG.....can you believe it. A whole box of amazing wonderful fabric. Top print by, Vera Bradley! Oh yeah, woohoo, alright....this is AWESOME!!! I couldn't wait to see what else this box held....

There was so much fabric I couldn't get it all in my picture!!! So I piled it up.....

Can you believe that pile of FABULOUS?!?! 

All of it from one person. One person, who is an awesome friend and thought I would use all of this. Dana sent this to me for inspiration, and to see what I would create with this awesome fabric.  She wants no money and when I offered to make her a flight suit bag, she felt bad thinking that I thought she had a ulterior motives behind sending this pile of fabulous. I knew she didn't. I knew she wasn't trying to weasel a bag out of me. I also know that if it takes me a year to make it, she won't care. So another bag is added to my list. Now to decided which fabric to use.....

Gracefully I look up, Thankful for a friend like Dana! She is an amazing person and I feel very blessed to call her my friend! 

Hoping Twice is Enough.....

God does all things to a man-

twice, even three times-

to turn his soul from the pit, 

that the light of life may shine on him.

Job 33:29-30

Remember how I said bible verses have been placed before me a lot lately? Remember, how I said that each one was very relevant to my situation? Also, remember how I said the timing of their appearance was perfect? Well, it happened again. Perfect verse at the perfect time!

I wondered after I was given great news, what would happen?  What would life bring? I was and still am on quite possibly the highest spiritual high I have ever been on. Life is so good and the smile on my face is staying around for a while! It is great to be out of the pit and having the light of life shine on me!

I did wonder if I would still find inspiring Bible verses. Do they only appear and seem inspiring when you are down? I was worried about that. The best part of my medical scare was the verses. 

So, last night I prayed. I prayed because I was wanting God to speak to me daily, even when things are great. Wanting verses to be placed before me that would keep me lifted up. Then this morning as I was doing my daily devotional it happened. The verse! 

Twice, even three times......

Well, this was twice for me. Twice I have been scared and turned to God. I knew during this past scare, there was a reason. I knew I had been walking steady in my faith. That instead of growing stronger, I was growing comfortable. So he dished it to me one more time! Thank you God for the reminder that I need to keep working and growing in my faith. 

I am thankful for this time. It gave me a new look on life. Reminded me that life is short, enjoy every moment. Take chances, smile lots, and love stronger. Celebrate happy things and pray about everything. 

An event was on the calender for this past weekend to celebrate. To celebrate as a family, that I am still a survivor!  We participated in the Walk of Life, an event sponsored by a local organization, Joy to Life which provides mammograms to low income women. I signed up as a survivor! This was the first event that I participated in as a "Survivor". I have signed up to support other events, but did not participate. So this was the first one where I put on my pink shirt and stood in a huge crowd as a "Survivor".

I was always hesitant to do this in the past. My cancer fight was not nearly as hard as many others. So, I had a bit of guilt for a while. I now know every survivor has a story, has a different type of fight and we are all unique. I feel that if I don't check that square, I may miss an opportunity to share my story and help save someone else from this crap. So I took a chance and checked survivor.

It was so great to be surrounded by my awesome family. Before, the race started we were asked to pray. To grab our neighbors hand and say a silent prayer. My neighbors were my kids and husband. The Brodeur 5 held hands in a circle and prayed. Tears filled my eyes, I wondered as Jameson and Scott squeezed my hand a little tighter at the exact same time what they were saying to God. I loved how Jillian said to me she prayed that she was happy I got the pink shirt. That Jess looked at me with the "I love you" eyes when the prayer was over. It was an awesome feeling as we walked under the pink water being sprayed out of the fire truck and celebrated our great news.

I wish we didn't have to be scared again. That because of my comfort, God had to scare me once again to remind me to keep growing. I know inside that it was what I needed, I just wish my family didn't have to have fear as well. So I promise to keep strong in my faith, to keep growing and reaching out to God during all times both good and bad, so my sweet family doesn't have to be scared a third time!



Gracefully I look up to God, thankful for the second time. That He provided me with the reminder to keep growing and not stay steady. I pray that two times is enough, that it doesn't take a third to get my attention again! 

Ahhhh Freak Out!!!!

This image is very familiar to me. 

Growing up in North Dakota, I saw my fair share of tornadoes. Yep, saw them. Not just heard about them, saw them. One time a tornado was right by our family vehicle when we were traveling home from Grandma's house.  Dad had to pull into a farmers garage for shelter. Did we know the guy.....Nope, didn't matter there was a tornado and he needed to protect us. So he didn't care if he knew him or not, it was what Dad needed to do. 

My dad freaks out when tornadoes are in the area. He takes it very seriously. When a tornado watch is in place, dad immediately makes us take cover. Looking out the windows to check the twister out is not an option. When I was younger my dad was an electrical line man, and worked outdoors enduring every weather condition North Dakota dished out. Summer time meant storm season, which meant tornadoes. He watched them jump from 50 miles away to right next to him. So he knew first hand how crazy tornadoes are and that standing outside watching one 50 miles away was just plain stupid in his mind. 

I use to make fun of my dad about how much he freaked out about the storms, in fact I still do from time to time. I guess until recently it was funny to me because we haven't faced tornado warnings since I became a mom. 

Until recently, we have lived in places where severe weather consisted of strong winds and that was about it. Nothing extreme but the heat. It has been nice, but has also made me forget how scary these twisters, or even the threat of them is. This fear came back this past December. The kids were at school and I was at home decorating for Christmas. Yep, decorating for Christmas, not exactly the time of year one would expect a tornado! The skies were crazy that morning and I had an unsettling feeling when our kiddos got on the bus. Around 10 am the sirens went off and the wind picked up. I had a feeling of panic rush through me. My kiddos were away and and a tornado was spotted in the area. I wanted them home with me where I could keep them safe, where I could help take their fears away. I had to trust my children's wonderful teachers to keep them safe. I was a bit freaked out......OK, a lot freaked out. That was the moment I understood why Dad freaked out. He wanted to keep us safe, protect us from everything and take our fears away. I couldn't do that.  So I prayed that my kiddos would stay safe and unafraid. They did and I was very thankful when they were finally home and never wanted to be in that situation again. 

Today my fear and freaking out is back because we are in that situation again. We have had a tornado watch once a week for the last 4 weeks.  So having another one this week doesn't upset me, until the weather man says things like, "this is going to be history making weather",  and "we will be talking about this day for years to come because of the amount of tornados expected ".  Unsettling statements to say the least.  The tornado threats are starting right now and will continue until 4 am. It is not like it is one storm passing through, it is several over a long period of time.  The school decided to let out early so kids would be home safe before the storms hit. Good deal, right? They will be home were I can protect them. Scott is on his way home and kids are.......oh wait only 2 of my kids are home. Jessie is in Atlanta, yep a state away from us on a field trip. She is on the bus right now heading home. On a bus traveling in the storms path.....not my idea of a safe place. My freak out level is high. She is texted me with updates, completely oblivious as to what is going on and confused why I am wanted updates every minute. She is acting just like I did when my dad freaked out! 

So, here I sit trying to not freak out and watching the news hearing about the tornado sightings praying that they don't come near us. If the tornadoes hit our area, I pray my daughter is under our roof not on a bus....

I have loved living in North Dakota and Alabama, but after today I am ready to head back to No Tornadoville! I will take extreme heat over and high winds over tornados any day.