They Just Want Their Mom....

Big Blue eyes filled with tears on her way out of the door because she is sorry she got mad at me.


 Spiked hair little boy peering around the corner to check to see if I am awake. Then comes over and hugs me and tells me he is ready for me to stop being sick and he is sorry for being so mad at me.

 Black Hair beauty comes into my room with a mocha I requested because she loves me and takes care of me.

 Three wonderful kids that care about me and how I feel. Three wonderful kids that are taking care of their mama because their mama can't take care of them. These three super stars have gone through so much. They do things for me that I should be doing for them.

Most of the time they do things without being asked. Like yesterday afternoon when my legs hurt so bad I couldn't walk and my head was spinning so much I couldn't sit up. The two littles were home early from school. They ate their lunch at the counter picked up the mess and then went and played quietly in their rooms. I didn't even know they were home. Jess came home did a load of laundry, entertained Jillian, did homework, made sure everyone ate dinner, and made me a mocha. Basically kept the house running until Scott got home from work. This is how they roll everyday when I am having a bad day.

 Somedays the little ones get emotional. Jameson gets mad at me because he wants his mama back. He doesn't want to go to practice by himself again. Yesterday when he wrapped his arms around me he started to cry. It was heart braking to say the least. He said that he was sorry for being bad and he just wants all of this to be over. So do I buddy, so do I. Jillian crys all the time. She puts the weight of the world on her shoulders, so when things are bad she gets very upset. Her heart hurts. She has said the saddest things to me. The other day in the car she told me that if something happened to me and she had to choose whether to get a new mom or not have a mom at all she would rather just not have a mom because I am the best mom and there could never be another one like me. My 8 year old should not think this way. My kids should not have the emotions they have now.

 Jess is the strong one. She holds everything together until Scott gets home. She asks little questions and just floats. She makes me laugh when I am feeling the worst. She is my comic relief. I saw fear in her eyes when I first told her what was going on. Since that day she has been my mini me doing the things I would do if I felt better. She is amazing. I owe her big and I am sure she will hold me to that when this is all over.

 Yesterday, I was reminded that I am not the only one fighting this fight. It takes a whole army to win a war and my three kids have stepped up to the front line. They got put into a position that they didn't ask for. They are my heros.  I am learning to love a little stronger, hug a little longer, and listen more intently to those three. They are the light of my life and would do anything to have a healthy mom again. I promise one day soon they will have that. I will be the mom they need and deserve.

 Jessie, Jameson, and Jillian- I love you three more than you will ever know. You guys have been amazing through all of this. There is no way I could be this strong if it wasn't for you. I am sorry that you are sad, and scared, it breaks my heart to see you guys cry. I promise I will be fine. I am not ready to leave you. We have a lot of great things in store for us. God has his hand on our backs and is going to give us a huge rainbow at the end of this storm.

 Gracefully I look up....