Today, the feeling of selfishness is very strong. I had scheduled my first round of appointments yesterday. Fear and worry seemed to be placed back into my mind, because tomorrow I will have to face the issues again. I guess it is easier to let things go when you don't have an appointment to face your fears. So, to help ease my worry I opened up my Facebook account to read the many messages and wall post I have received. I am sure they will all stay in my account as long as Facebook will let me keep them there. The words that people have taken the time to write me, have lifted me up and continue to do so. In reading all of these I found myself reading my responses or lack of responses and that is when it hit me like a Mack Truck.....I feel selfish.
People have taken the time to write me these amazing things and I feel as though I haven't responded in a way that let's them know I care. Everyone has taken the time to sit down and write inspiring things, taken the time to look up amazing verses, taken the time to share amazing songs, all things that have lifted me up. I pray that I have let them know how much it means to me, but part of me feels like I could do better.
One post in particular stood out to me. In fact this post is one of them that brought this initial feeling of selfishness on. It was from a great friend that is also going through some medical yuckiness now. Here is what she wrote.....
I was amazed when I read your blog how similar our emotions are running right now and even how similarly the Lord is ministering to us! Don't get me wrong, my issue is much smaller, but I had let it consume me nonetheless. It's so encouraging to know He has it all in His hands!
See the line that says my issue is much smaller.....that is the Mack Truck that hit me head on!! I hate that she feels her issues are smaller, I hate that maybe I have made her feel like my issues are bigger and should come first in everybody's mind. I found myself feeling so sad, because I am not sure that before now I have asked her how she is doing. That made me sick to my stomach. I care so much for this person. Although, we haven't had a lot of time together, she has made a big impact on my life through her blog and postings on Facebook. Here I sat, not showing her care or concern. How selfish of me?
So I typed a response, to let her know that I cared for her as much as she cared for me. I wanted her to know that I her issues are not smaller then mine. So, I typed. As I typed I realized my fingers where being guided by someone else....I have NEVER experienced this before at least not to this level. Here is what was typed....
It is pretty amazing isn't it. Your issues are not smaller than mine I hope you know that. Never down size what you are faced with. Every problem we face is too big for us to handle on our own....thankful for a God we can give it to. Please fill me in on when your surgery is, and please let me know what we can do to help you out! Thanks for being a friend!
When Reread that post today, I felt that I needed to share it with everyone. I hope that everyone knows that I am beyond thankful for your love, prayers and amazing words. I believe that every problem is way to big for us to handle on our own and am beyond thankful for a God to give our problems to. I promise to respond to all of you with the love and kindness that you showed me. As I continue this journey tomorrow I know that you will all still be here with me, so I want you to know that whatever you are going through right now I am here for you. I love all of you so much.
To my wonderful husband,
I am so proud of you. You are beyond amazing to me. Thanks for carrying me to the finish line on Sunday. If it wasn't for you I would have quit. I would have quit the fight a long time ago. I know you could have finished that race so much faster and stronger if you didn't have me weighing you down. Your hard work the past couple of weeks is inspiring. Your thesis is going to be the best ever and I can't wait to read your finished product. I have heard your plan with this product for the past 3 years and am looking forward to your final draft. I pray that you will continue to share every word of it with me. I love you so much and am nothing without you. I pray that you know that....
To my awesome kids,
I am sorry I haven't been the mom I should be to you lately. You guys deserve all of me and I haven't given it to you. I am so proud of all of you. You have all become amazing, smart and beautiful human beings. You are the kids people dream of having. Jillian, I am beyond proud of your skills in the gym. I know you will get that stride circle soon and will do it with perfection! Jameson, your skills on the Ripstick amaze me, I have noticed your efforts in trying to be better at home, good job buddy! Jess, your willingness to do anything for me brings a smile to my face every time. Your grades in school are beyond impressive. Thank you for all of your help and hard work and for making me laugh with your awesome sense of humor! I love you all more then you will ever know.
To my friends,
Thank you for everything. I know I have said it before a couple of times, but I want to say it again. Your words and love means so much to me. I am thankful for each and everyone of you and the unique things you all bring into my life. Thank you for your support during this time. I can't wait for the day to share good news with all of you!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment