Hope, Peace, Joy!!!!

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him,

so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

I am sure I have posted this verse before today. In fact I am positive of it. I have hope and now I have peace and with that peace I have joy. Boy oh boy do I have joy!!!! (I am a poet and I don't even know it!)

Today was a big day. I had my appointment that I hoped would provide me with some answers, some relief. I was terrified, because I had been here before and the outcome wasn't good. So I feared the worst. That is what comes with being a survivor, little bumps could mean bad things.  4 years ago, I became a survivor. When you have survived something like cancer, for me, I felt powerful and strong. When you are told the words you are a survivor, you want to scream it out loud so the whole world can celebrate with you. There are downfalls to being a breast cancer survivor, it means you had it once and we will have to keep checking to see if it comes back. When you go into a doctor's office and they see a cyst or feel a lump, or in my case both, you become very frightened. You have had all of that before and it was cancer. Any growth scares the living poo right out of you. Being a survivor means you were a fighter and you don't ever want to fight again.

I was fearful of the worse case scenario that I had a lump in my breast that is cancer and it had spread to my ovary. I feared my battle would be the a long hard battle. I had thoughts of not seeing my kids grow up. Fears that I would not grow old. Fear that my husband would have to take some crazy job so I could get to a treatment facility that would make me better. I feared the worst. I tried so hard to stay positive, hoped for the best, but I was scared. I am pretty sure I have never been this scared in my whole life. Even four years ago, I wasn't this afraid. 

I have turned to the Bible more times in the last month then I have in a very long time. Verses like this kept me hopeful and strong. My faith is very strong and today I know why. The Gyn said my 7cm cyst is gone!!!!! Yep, you read that right, that sucker is G-O-N-E......GONE!!! He believes the speed of my half marathon is what started the rupture! So I did set a personal record! I mean really, how many people can say they ruptured a cyst during a race. Pretty sure the pros don't even have that! Sponsors should be calling any time now!!! Yep, I ran so fast I ruptured a cyst....I am thinking that gives me rockstar status and a new PR!!!

As you can tell my humor is back. The feeling that I have right now is AWESOME! If I still didn't hurt so much, I am pretty sure I would be doing back flips! Love feeling this happy again and I only have half the results. Still waiting on the mammo. I have higher hopes as far as the results go with that. Knowing  I don't have ovarian cancer leads me to believe that I don't have breast cancer either. If I do, at least that is all I have. It hasn't made its way to my ovary.

So no cyst means no surgery. I do still have pain, but I believe that will be gone very soon. My ovary is sensitive since it had such a large cyst on it. So it will remain tender for a bit. I believe the relief I have mentally will also take that pain away. Knowing that I don't have 7 cm of fun attached to my ovary makes me less stressed out. The doctor only wants to see me back if the pain doesn't go away. So I am free!!! Free of the cyst, free of pain (hopefully soon) and free of fear!

Trusting in God gave me the hope and peace to get through this half and will be there to get me through the second half. I am overflowing with joy, hope and am overwhelmed by the power of the Holy Spirit. My God is an AWESOME God. He has seen me through it all and will continue to do so. I am so thankful for my trust in HIM!!!!

One result down, one to go and then we will P-A-R-T-Y!!!! I am beyond thrilled right now and am holding on to this feeling for as long as I am able!


Gracefully, I look up to you Amazing God, you are the God of hope and peace. You have given me a joy that is overwhelming. I am speechless.....