Short ones cry too......

Spring has sprung and it is absolutely beautiful out. I just got back from a great walk with Scott. We have been slacking a bit the last couple of weeks. Thesis time was important, kids were off from school, and I have been in a bit of pain. So walking with him this morning was important to me. I cherish our time together. We have had a lot going on and haven't really had a lot of time to talk about it. Although, I think we would rather not talk about it. Sometimes things go away for a minute, if you let them. 

This morning before that wonderful walk, I was reminded of how easily we forget what is going on. How overwhelming life can be at times. You can put on a happy face on the outside but inside you might not be so happy. You might be scared, overwhelmed, and just sad. Little kids have a funny way of showing emotion. My littlest is very emotional. She loves with her whole heart. Her goal is to make everyone happy all the time, to be the BEST at everything. She puts a lot of pressure on herself. Getting a B is not an option for her!  She is a lot like her daddy and I love that about her. It is hard at times, if anything goes wrong she will carry the burden. Heart brake reaches a whole new level with this little one. 

So this morning as Scott and I were getting the little ones ready for school, Scott asked for the spray bottle to fix Jameson's hair. Well, last week the spray bottle broke. Jillian was using it to fix her doll's hair and it broke. It was a cheap thing and was going to brake at any moment. It just happen to brake while Jillian was using it. So when Scott ask for it and I responded with, "it broke", tears filled her eyes. We wiped the tears told her it wasn't her fault and tried to make her smile again. It worked for a minute, then tears came back. It was a bit frustrating because she was crying over a stupid spray bottle, not a big deal. So I got eye level with her and asked what was bothering her. Explained that the spray bottle is not a big deal, and we are not mad. She replied with, "I know, I am just sad I am going to miss so much school". She is scared that she will fall behind. Scared that she will miss something. Afraid it is her fault that she missed school on Friday because of head lice. She believes it is her fault she got them. Like I said she carries the burden of everything. It was heart braking. Scott and I both hugged her and gave her love and words of encouragement. She left the house with a smile on her face.

After she left I started thinking. Thinking about what set her off. She is tired from a fun weekend, maybe that fueled the emotion. Then I really thought about it, this poor thing has a lot going on right now. She has a state gymnastics meet on Friday, a meet that she is afraid of because, she is certain she won't take first place. No matter what anybody tells her, she still places a lot pressure on herself. Afraid she is missing too much school and won't get straight A's, she is not even close to getting a B. If she missed 30 days of school this child would still have all A's. Afraid she is hurting people because she is moving. So many people have said to her, that they don't want her to leave. They have given her pictures of them crying with words that say, "I will miss you" and "Please don't move". This brakes her heart. She doesn't want sad around her, she wants happy. Now, because she is moving people are crying. She believes this is her fault. She is scared, just like me. Afraid her mommy is sick, I don't want her to be afraid. I want all the fear to be placed inside of me, but the truth is we all are scared. She wants to fix everything and knowing she can't, made her cry this morning. 

Her smile was placed on her face on the outside but inside she was crying. I pray that today she got her tears out, lifted the burden off her heart and is smiling right now. I love how much my Jillian Hart loves. I love her drive and determination. She amazes me, all three of my children amaze me. Her tears this morning served as a reminder, that even short ones are going through a lot. I just need to get to their level and talk about things with them. I know she is not the only one dealing with all of these things right now. If she fixed anything this morning, it was that I now know I need to sit and talk with Jameson and Jessie. I don't want them to carry any worry on their hearts. I want them to keep being the strong, happy kids they are. Let dad and I worry for you, let God fix all things and just smile! 

So this morning, I gracefully look up to God and ask him to take her sadness away. Let Jillian know that she is not the cause of heart brake. That it is all in your control. You will make everything right and take on our fears. Please turn her tears into a smile.......